Warrior Island
by Arctic Husky
Summary: The Soul Calibur characters are marooned on a 'deserted' island! But why are they there...? Revised and reposted - At long last, Chapter 9 is UP! {R&R please!}
1. Where are We?

OK! So I have finally re-written Warrior Island in a 'proper' story format! Don't worry, though! It shall still be as amusing as it is... was... in script format! (I hope...) Well, anyway, here we go! The re-written Chapter 1!!! (Dun, dun, duuuuun!)  
  
Disclaimer: It may shock you to learn that I STILL don't own the Soul Calibur II characters.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Warrior Island  
  
*~* Chapter 1 - Where Are We!? *~*  
  
Every warrior has a goal... every warrior has a path... but more importantly - every warrior has obstacles. God damn those obstacles! Ahem... right... so... THESE, my friends, are the Soul Calibur warriors. Well, technically only Xianghua is REALLY a Soul Calibur warriors since she wields Soul Calibur, yada, yada, yada... But... why the hell am I even saying this crap? You can figure it all out! Warriors, obstacles, a goal, and... more importantly... RANDOMNESS!!  
  
The majority of the Soul Calibur characters were sitting, standing around, balancing on a sword... whatever manner they wait in. What were they waiting for? Well! That's the beauty of it! They were waiting for a ferry! OK... I don't know exactly WHY that's so great, but... just tune into their conversations of waiting, all right??  
  
"Namu, namu!!" Yoshimitsu shouted with a frightening amount of enthusiasm.  
  
Taki clenched her fists, "Shut up."  
  
"NAMUUUUUU!!!!!"  
  
"I said, shut up," Taki repeated in a monotonous tone.  
  
The other warriors chose to ignore Yoshimitsu's idiocy, "Who wants a fight? Anyone??" Mitsurugi challenged.  
  
"No..." Talim declined, "However I DO have a strange urge to chop off your hair..."  
  
Mitsurugi's eyes widened, "Nooooo!! Not my hair!! My beautiful, somewhat afro-like hair!!"  
  
"Well... that was certainly an amusing over-reaction. Heh, heh..." Talim smirked, which actually didn't make her look evil at all...  
  
"Will you all shut up!?" Xianghua shouted, "I'm TRYING to sit and do NOTHING here!"  
  
Every warrior stopped what they were doing and raised an eyebrow at Xianghua... except for Charade. He can't really raise an eyebrow, because... well... for one thing, he doesn't have any... and secondly, he only has one eye so he would look more shocked than confused.  
  
"What?" Xianghua returned the confused gaze.  
  
"You have serious issues..." Kilik stated.  
  
Xianghua retorted, "Excuse me?? Did I ever go crazy and kill people?!"  
  
"Yes," everyone else replied simultaneously.  
  
"Oh... well... yeah... but... SO DID YOU ALL!!"  
  
The silence of everyone staring at Xianghua was interrupted by Astaroth walking up, "Ah, crud! I'm late again... WORMS!"  
  
"Ew!! Where??" Cassandra looked around frantically.  
  
"What? Worms?"  
  
"WHERE?!"  
  
"Where is what, worms?"  
  
"ARGH!! You're HOPELESS!!" Cassandra crossed her arms.  
  
"Cool it, Sis. He just likes worms," Sophitia assured.  
  
Cassandra looked disgusted, "Yuck! Why would someone like worms?!"  
  
Sophitia shrugged, "Beats me."  
  
Nightmare, Berserker and Cervantes then ran up while gasping for breath - Cervantes leading. "I win! I win!!" the pirate boasted.  
  
"Hrabagalabah!!" Berserker screamed.  
  
"I shall steal your SOUL!!" Nightmare threatened what would normally frighten people.  
  
"HAHA!!" Cervantes mocked, "I have no soul! In your face!!"  
  
Ivy hid her face in her arms, "My father is insane AND dead! I was happier when I didn't have any parents!" she sighed, "Why me?"  
  
"Do you REALLY want the answer to that?" Yunsung asked. No one knew what exactly would have said if Ivy replied 'yes'... but... she wasn't about to take the chance with that child's mind.  
  
"No," she answered after a long silence.  
  
"I hate you all," Raphael said, releasing his emotions, which he hid oh-so- well! (Insert sarcasm here)  
  
Maxi glared at the Frenchman, "That's nice since it just so happens that I hate you, too."  
  
"HYA!!" The mysterious elf-like dude yelled at the top of his lungs.  
  
"Just wondering... can you actually talk?" Talim questioned.  
  
"Ya... hya... hya..."  
  
"I see..." Talim said - although she OBVIOUSLY didn't get it.  
  
"I shall slice you all!!" Raphael threatened, trying to regain the spotlight.  
  
Mitsurugi grinned evilly, "I accept your challenge!"  
  
"Who said anything about a challenge? I just want to slice you..."  
  
Everyone proceeded with their somewhat unusual conversations for however long they proceeded with their somewhat unusual conversations which they were proceeding with and... (Random person slaps Namika(Me, for those who don't know)) OW!! Ahem... so... the ferry pulled and all of the warriors boarded.  
  
"Good, good! You are all on the ferry!" the 'Ferry Man' said, "Mwahaha... Mwahahaha! MWAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!"  
  
The warriors stared at the Ferry Man wide-eyed.  
  
Ferry Man coughed as though to clear his throat, "Ahem... sorry! Nervous cough! Yeah... let's go!"  
  
And so the ferry went 'across' the 'river'. Note the use of quotations... for they were actually going to... A DESERTED ISLAND!! Dun, dun, duuuuuun!!  
  
"All right! Everybody off!"  
  
The warriors peered over the side of the boat to see... water, water and seaweed. Oh... and water.  
  
"Vrooo shwooo dooo," Voldo hissed.  
  
Yoshimitsu translated, "We are in the middle of nowhere!"  
  
"Oh... but that is precisely the point," the Ferry Man pushed them all overboard. The warriors all screamed, and the maniacal laughter of the Ferry Man echoed through the desolate waterway...  
  
"GRALAHABAAAAAH!!!!" Berserker was constantly trying to stay afloat in the water... *glub, glub...*  
  
Talim stared, "Should we not help him?"  
  
"First of all... it's not a 'him', it's an 'it'," Yunsung corrected, "And secondly... no."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
Mina answered this question, "Because there are thousands of those stupid things everywhere... it's like they NEVER DIE!!"  
  
*glub, glub, glub...* Berserker slowly sunk to the depths of the water.  
  
"Fair enough," Talim agreed.  
  
"I do not know about all of you, but my armour and sword are feeling REALLY heavy right now... I am swimming for shore of that island over there," Nightmare suggested without showing where exactly this island was by pointing or some other indication.  
  
All of the warriors figured it out, though. And they swam to the island.  
  
~~~On shore...~~~  
  
"Ack! Water... salty... WORMS!" Astaroth shouted.  
  
"Ew! Salty worms!" Cassandra was grossed out once again.  
  
"Sis!!" Sophitia complained.  
  
"Sorry..."  
  
Necrid, who had been silent, finally spoke... in ENGLISH, "I feel like I haven't talked..."  
  
"You can talk!?" All of the warriors exclaimed.  
  
"See? I'm so alone! No one even realized that I could talk!!" Necrid began to weep.  
  
"How pathetic..." Raphael looked on at the creature.  
  
"That it is," Ivy agreed.  
  
"All right... so what do we do now?" Taki asked.  
  
"I say that I eat you all and use your flesh as energy and swim away!" Yoshimitsu suggested.  
  
"Wow... that's pleasant," Kilik commented sarcastically.  
  
Cervantes scoffed, "You cannot eat my flesh for I have none!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!"  
  
Charade then randomly stabbed Cervantes.  
  
"Please... do not do that again."  
  
Charade's eye looked down in an 'I'm sorry' way.  
  
"I shall fly!! I shall fly!!" Lizardman leaped off of a cliff, flapping his arms, "AH!! CRAMP!!"  
  
"All in favour of not caring - say 'I'" Yunsung said.  
  
"I!!"  
  
**glub, glub, glub...**  
  
"This is turning into Survivor," Talim observed.  
  
"What?" everyone stared in confusion.  
  
"Do none of you watch TV!?" Talim asked - shocked.  
  
"No."  
  
Talim sighed in frustration.  
  
Nightmare took charge of the marooned team, "All right, let's split up into two groups to explore the island! One will search for food, and the other will look for... other things... civilization, monkeys... that kind of stuff. Let's move!!  
  
Everyone set off in different directions in search of things... huzzah!!  
  
*~* End of Chapter 1 *~*  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Wow! That actually ended up pretty OK!! ^_^ Do you guys still like it?? Please review and tell me!! I'll be re-writing the rest of the chapters ASAP!! Oh, and to newcomers - this doesn't end up being a total Survivor fic. It's just randomness and a faint plot! 


	2. Monkey Crazed

I should REALLY be working on my various French projects, but... I don't want to! So here's chapter 2 of Warrior Island - re-written!  
  
Disclaimer: Yeah, yeah... I don't own Soul Calibur II stuff...  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Warrior Island  
  
*~* Chapter 2 - Monkey Crazed *~*  
  
So... the warriors had split up in three groups. Yup. Three. The first group - consisting of Kilik, Talim, Xianghua, Mina, Yunsung, Maxi, Ivy and Link - was searching for monkeys... and civilization... but mainly monkeys! The second group - Cassandra, Sophitia, Nightmare, Astaroth, Cervantes, Taki and Necrid - were searching for food... well... were SUPPOSED to be searching for food. They were searching for monkeys also! But... it'll work out... right? ...right? RIGHT?? Ahem... moving along...  
  
What's that? Uh... the others? The third group? Oh, yeah! Of course! Yoshimitsu, Charade, Voldo, Raphael and Mitsurugi were still on the shore... erm... looking out... or... something... uh... yeah...  
  
Let us join each of the groups in their adventures of split-up-ed-ness...  
  
"OK, I'm telling you all! This is really and truly Survivor!" Talim insisted, "Now we've even split up into TRIBES!"  
  
Maxi rolled his eyes, "We're not in different tribes and we're not Survivor, kid."  
  
"I still say that..." Talim began, before being interrupted by Yunsung...  
  
"Hi, I'm Joe Probst... and welcome to Survivor: Warrior Island."  
  
Everyone turned and stared at Yunsung wide-eyed... except for Talim, "AHA!! I knew it!! There ARE other people here who watch Survivor!" she exclaimed happily.  
  
"I may have changed the channel during a commercial break while watching Friends," Yunsung said casually. This simply caused everyone's already wide- eyes to grow bigger in fear. "It's not my choice! Master Myong watches weird TV shows..."  
  
"Suuuuuuuuure..." Ivy raised an eyebrow.  
  
"I'm serious!!" Yunsung shouted.  
  
"Of course you are," Ivy agreed in a completely sarcastic tone.  
  
"No... seriously..." Yunsung continued.  
  
"I was being serious," Ivy persisted.  
  
"No you..." Yunsung began, and this time, Mina interrupted!  
  
"Yunsung, my father doesn't choose to watch those TV shows. Hwang does."  
  
Yunsung stared at Mina blankly, "Oh... um... I don't know which is creepier, so..."  
  
"Hya!! Hyaaaaaaa!!!!!" Link screamed (If you couldn't guess it was him)  
  
Kilik, being the only one who could understand Link, reacted, "Oh my God!! He sees a monkey!!"  
  
"Let's kill it!" Xianghua suggested... no, wait... commanded.  
  
"Nooooo!! We must tame it, not kill it!" Kilik protested.  
  
"But, but..."  
  
"Xianghua," Kilik said sternly.  
  
"Fine!" Xianghua pouted.  
  
"Um... I hate to ruin this fantasy of taming a monkey... but... well, how do we tame a monkey?" Maxi asked.  
  
Link frantically jumped up and down, "Hyaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"Oh no!! The monkey's getting away!" Kilik translated.  
  
"I shall stop it!" Talim chased after the monkey.  
  
"WAIT!!" Maxi yelled after her, "I want in on the monkey-taming!!" he, and all of the others joined Talim in pursuing the monkey.  
  
~~~Meanwhile, on the shore~~~  
  
"Namu, namu! Nam-U!!"  
  
"Vloooooojadoooofwooo!!"  
  
Chop, chop! Fence, fence! (A/N: Mwahaha... figure that out! XD)  
  
Charade attempted to roll his eye back in his head... and you can guess who exactly did or said which of the other things above.  
  
~~~With the second group~~~  
  
"OK, here's the plan!" Taki commanded the 'team', "You guys can find the monkey, and I'll use my ninja moves to capture it!"  
  
"Who put you in charge!?" Nightmare complained.  
  
"I did! So deal with it!!" Taki ordered.  
  
Nightmare muttered something under his breath... we don't know what it was... but Taki did... and she bitch slapped him. Mwahaha... "Ow!! Son of a..."  
  
"No. Not 'son-of-a-bitch'. Just a bitch slap," Taki argued. Nightmare glared at Taki with a surprisingly un-threatening look.  
  
Astaroth suddenly pointed to a tree excitedly, "Monkey, worms!!"  
  
"Ew! The monkey has WORMS!?" Cassandra covered her mouth in disgust, "I'm SO not touching it!"  
  
"Sis, I swear... one more mention of worms due to Astaroth and I WILL thwack (A/N: That's actually a word. o_0) you over the head with my shield!" Sophitia warned. Cassandra gave a disappointed look, but remained silent.  
  
Cervantes inserted his comment, "You may all chase your monkeys - worm- infested or not - but I shall sit here because... uh... I am dead!!"  
  
"You cannot live with that excuse forever," Necrid broke the truth. But... that didn't faze Cervantes...  
  
"On the contrary, I cannot live at all!!" he broke into a mad fit of laughter.  
  
The other warriors simply groaned, except Sophitia, "OK guys... let's all just ignore Cervantes and find a monkey." The warriors nodded in agreement, and Cervantes hung his head in shame.  
  
"Attention, everyone!" Nightmare said rather officially, "I see a monkey! It is over there!!" he did not point. Heh... that freak of nature... And yet... everyone magically got the idea of where the monkey was and they chased it.  
  
~~~What's up with Group One??~~~  
  
"Don't let it get away!" Maxi called back to the others,  
  
"We've almost got it!!" Talim announced.  
  
"I just know I'm going to trip on something!!" Kilik predicted.  
  
"HYA!!!" you-know-who shouted.  
  
"I don't even know why I'm chasing this stupid primate!!" Xianghua whined.  
  
"Stupid ape! Stupid ape!" Mina kept repeating to herself.  
  
"I swear, I am NOT meant to be chasing monkeys!" Ivy said, frantically trying to keep to from falling.  
  
"Whooooooo!!" well, Yunsung wasn't complaining. Those young people - full of energy!  
  
~~~And Group Two...~~~  
  
"Almost there!" Nightmare declared joyfully.  
  
"Slow down! I'm dead here!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" Cervantes laughed at himself.  
  
"Oh, SHUT UP, or else!!" Taki warned.  
  
"If this monkey bites me, I'm suing!" Sophitia suddenly had fears of the random monkey.  
  
"Must... catch... monkey... WORMS!!" Astaroth seemed rather focused on catching the monkey.  
  
"Why... I repeat - WHY would you want monkey worms!?" Cassandra asked... BANG!!, "Ow!! SIS!! What was THAT for!?" Sophitia shot a glare at Cassandra, "Oh... Right... worms..."  
  
"That's it... we're almost..." Necrid stopped mid-sentence at sight of... "OH NO!!!!!!"  
  
CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASH!!!!!!!  
  
~~~With Shore Peoples~~  
  
"Cheat!" Yoshimitsu shouted.  
  
Voldo frowned and pulled the huge pile of card towards himself, "Vraaaashaaaa!!"  
  
"Yeah. Vrasha... Too bad. You'll have to deal with the fact that you didn't have any sevens. Now... two eights," Yoshimitsu threw down two cards.  
  
~~~As for the others~~~  
  
"Ah, man! Why weren't you guys watching where you were going?!" Yunsung complained, "My ass is killing me now!"  
  
"US?! What about you... you... reckless-teenager-who-informs-us-of-too- much!!" Sophitia shouted.  
  
"Hey..." Yunsung sounded insulted, "I'm eighteen! I'm an adult!" he nodded to confirm his statement.  
  
Kilik stared at Yunsung oddly, "Yeah... that's... great, Yunsung. But... more importantly - Why the hell are you all here!?"  
  
"We were chasing a monkey," Taki replied.  
  
"What!?" Xianghua exclaimed, "WE were chasing a monkey!!"  
  
Cassandra retorted, "Why would YOU be chasing a monkey!? The monkey were OUR job!"  
  
"Excuse me?" Mina raised an eyebrow, "No they weren't!"  
  
"Then whose job were they!?" Cassandra asked.  
  
"Uh... I believe it was... oh, yes! OUR'S!!" Mina yelled.  
  
Rage filled Necrid's eyes, "No, they were not! You were supposed to get the food!!"  
  
"I beg to differ!" Talim... well... differed.  
  
"You do that, I'll just be right!" Necrid stuck his mutated tongue out at Talim.  
  
"All right, everyone stop this nonsense!" Ivy took charge, "We al lost the monkey, and we're all hungry for real food! So... I suggest that we decide who finds what now!"  
  
Cricket... cricket...  
  
Astaroth broke the silence, "I suggest we go back to shore and get the others to search, worms!"  
  
"Eeeeew!! Worms!!" Cassandra predictably commented... BANG!! "Ow!! Sis! Stop it!!"  
  
"Ahem..." Sophitia spoke innocently, "I agree with that suggestion."  
  
"Me, too!" Maxi concurred, "To the shore we go!!"  
  
~~~At the shore...~~~  
  
"Vloooshwoooo, dwoooooo, shwaaaa!" Voldo suggested. That's right... he was suggesting something.  
  
"Indeed it is funner to play 'Bullshit' than 'Cheat' because you get to shout 'BULLSHIT!' whenever someone is cheating, or whatever... but still..." Yoshimitsu pondered.  
  
"Flaaahgwa!!" Voldo screamed.  
  
Yoshimitsu wagged a disapproving finger, "Tsk, tsk. Game or not game - don't swear." Voldo pouted. He wanted to swear because it's fun. Yeah...  
  
Nightmare walked up, "All right, slackers! We're back and YOU'RE taking over!" Instead of an object, Charade ran up to Nightmare, stole Soul Edge from him and hugged it. Nightmare stared blankly, "Uh... give me back my sword." Tears fell from Charade's eye.  
  
"Aw..." everyone chorused.  
  
"Argh!" Nightmare rolled his eyes.  
  
"Only I, Cervantes, may say 'argh'!"  
  
Taki looked at him, "Cervantes..."  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Shut up."  
  
"Aw..."  
  
Talim walked up to Raphael and Mitsurugi who were... fighting! (A/N: Did you guess it? XD) "Please... stop fighting!" she pleaded. Naturally, the two completely ignored her... those bastards!  
  
"Allow me," Kilik offered. He took Kali-Yuga and knocked them apart.  
  
"AAAAH!!" they both screamed... girlishly! I couldn't resist.  
  
"Good. You're not fighting," Kilik said, "Now... you're both joining Charade, Yoshimitsu and the other one..."  
  
"Vlooosdwoooo!!" Voldo shouted.  
  
"Uh... yeah! Vloshdwoo!" Kilik corrected unsurely AND incorrectly, "You'll join them in searching for monkeys and food! That's right... BOTH!! So get going!" he whacked Raphael and Mitsurugi in the ass with Kali-Yuga.  
  
"Ow!!" Raphael whined, "All right! We are going! Now stop your rod-hitting- ness!"  
  
"Now why would I do that? And... nice grammar," Kilik chuckled.  
  
"So we do not kick your ass!" Mitsurugi threatened.  
  
Kilik smirked, "I'd like to see you try."  
  
"Watch me!!" Mitsurugi unsheathed his blade, but was stopped when Ivy whipped him with Valentine. "YAAAH!!" Mitsurugi ran around in circles.  
  
"Now, slave! Go! Find monkeys and food!" Ivy whipped Mitsurugi again.  
  
"All right! I'm going..." Mitsurugi walked away while rubbing his wounds. Raphael, Charade, Yoshimitsu and Voldo followed.  
  
"Hya!! Hyaaaaaa, hy, aaaaa, ya!!" Link exclaimed.  
  
"He says..." Kilik translated, "Now that they're gone, let's make the best of the situation and PAR-TAY!!"  
  
And so everyone left on the shore stayed up late into the night partying. Oh... how I wish I were there...  
  
*~* End of Chapter 2 *~*  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Meh... that chapter was definitely funnier in script format. *sigh* Oh well! 'Twas still OK, right? Please review and tell me!  
  
To Sea Wolf - The tar shall always remain! Mwahahaha...  
  
To Black Triforce - Yes, I already wrote it, but it got deleted and I had to change the format and... yeah... (Computer: Run-on sentence) Stupid computer!! Ahem...  
  
To Xingy - I know!! Script format rocks, but noooo! Argh! And... please to repost SC Mansion and write more! 'Twas funny!! ^_^  
  
To Cj - o_0 *shifts away from you* Yeah... bad format. Erm... *cowers* You're scaring me! And... what screen name?  
  
To High King Isaac - But Link not talking is all part of the... thing... yeah... And no Link/Talim in this story. Sorry, dude! But Link isn't even a true SC character (No offence to Link, I love The Legend of Zelda, but... no...)  
  
To Evil-Godess - Yeah! It's back!! Good to see you reviewing! ^_^ 


	3. We need fooood!

You know what? The Japanese Soul Calibur II voices sound weird after listening to the English ones for so long. o.0 *has just listened to them* Hee hee! They're amusing! Listen to Yunsung's manly voice... *cough, cough* Anyway... here is chapter 3!  
  
Disclaimer: As always, I don't own them or their fun Japanese voices.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Warrior Island  
  
*~* Chapter 3 - We need fooood! *~*  
  
Yoshmitsu, Voldo, Charade, Raphael and Mitsurugi then set out to search for monkeys - I mean food!! Food is more important than monkeys! It doesn't matter what everyone says! GAH!! I'm confused!! I'll just go into a new paragraph. Yes... that will clear my mind... this is what's up on the shore...  
  
All of the warriors who were previously partying have now gone to sleep for the night... because... well... sleep is always nice after partying. Wait a second... one of the warriors was awake! Why it's...  
  
"Worms, worms!" Astaroth sung happily with a freakishly huge grin on his face. And that is about all that's happening on shore as of this moment. But with the others...  
  
~~~With the others, yo~~~  
  
Raphael was watching his step as he walked through the forest. A rich Frenchman and a muddy forest do not mix. A manly samurai and a muddy forest, on the other hand... well... that doesn't mix either. And to save some time - neither do a living piece of a sword, a masked man with fake arm, nor a voice-impaired whatever-the-hell-Voldo-is.  
  
"Walking through this revolting forest-island-place, searching for food, is NOT my idea of dignified... ness..." Raphael stopped and pondered what he was trying to say.  
  
Mitsurugi raised an eyebrow, "Being dignified?"  
  
"Exactly!!" Raphael exclaimed before slipping in a puddle of mud. (A/N: *giggle* Puddle of Mudd!! Ahem... back to the story...) "ACK!! This is disgusting! Revolting! Hideous! Ghastly! Appalling! Horrid! Repulsive! Um..."  
  
"Are you done now?" Mitsurugi questioned.  
  
"I think I have one more left in me..." Raphael thought of the perfect word, "OFFENSIVE!!"  
  
"Got that right," Yoshimitsu chimed in, "Your stench is veeeeery offensive."  
  
Raphael suddenly shouted, "Tu es idiote!!"  
  
Yoshimitsu gasped insult... ed... ly... "Did you just say 'tu'!? As in second person SINGULAR!? Respect your elders!" he flicked Raphael's forehead, "It is 'vous'!"  
  
"Ow..." Raphael rubbed his forehead.  
  
"Vlooshwooooooo?" Voldo asked... I think...  
  
Raphael, Mitsurugi and Charade stared in confusion until Yoshimitsu cleared the air, "I shall reply to his question - No! We may not search for monkeys yet!"  
  
"Zloo..." Voldo looked disappointed.  
  
Charade's eye wandered and became way. He remained fixated on one spot and jumped up and down. Everyone else stared at him. "Aw... he's going to sleep tonight," Mitsurugi said in a frightening-ly fatherly voice.  
  
"I believe that he wants our attention," Yoshimitsu guessed.  
  
"Glooshwoo," Voldo commented. That's right. Commented.  
  
"Yes, I'm aware that he isn't doing a very good job of it."  
  
Rage filled Charade's eye and he... smacked Raphael upside the head!! "Ow!! Why does everyone always hurt... I mean... son of a... I mean... Well, I never!" Raphael decided on a way to express being shocked.  
  
"Haha!!" Mitsurugi broke into a fit of laughter, "That's such a girly line!" he clutched his side to ease the pain of laughter. Raphael growled before attacking Mitsurugi causing another fight between the two adversaries. Yoshimitsu and Voldo remained silent, and Charade simply looked annoyed.  
  
~~~On the shoreline~~~  
  
The majority of the warriors were still asleep, but now Talim had been awakened by... Nightmare's snoring! "Pst! Nightmare!" Talim whispered. Nightmare remained asleep and just snored louder. Talim was growing angry, "Nightmare!" she repeated - a little louder. Nightmare's snoring grew even louder. "Nightmare!!" Talim said in a normal speaking tone. Nightmare then snored as humanly... or... swordly as possible. Everyone else somehow still slept, but Talim lost her cool, "NIGHTMARE!! WAKE UP!!!!" Slash! She pulled out her blades and slashed his sorry ass.  
  
Nightmare jumped up and ran in circles, "Aaaah!! It burnsssss!!" he screamed.  
  
"Oops..." Talim covered her mouth to keep from giggling, "Maybe I shouldn't have hit him THAT hard..." All of the sleeping warriors got up to see what all of the commotion was about.  
  
"How DARE you interrupt my beauty sleep!?" Xianghua exclaimed.  
  
"Like this!" Yunsung poked Xianghua.  
  
"Stop that," she said calmly. Yunsung poked her again... and again... and... "Stop your infernal poking, child!!"  
  
Yunsung seemed offended, "I'm not a child! I'm a young person!" he added proudly.  
  
"Yeah, yeah... we know," Mina rolled her eyes, "Why are we awake, anyway?" Everyone pondered for a moment, and then turned to Nightmare, who was - you guessed it - running around in circles.  
  
"Oh... right..." the somewhat-sane warriors chorused.  
  
Nightmare then tripped on a rock and screamed. Of course... he was still in pain. In fact, he was in even more pain than before. Perhaps if he'd thought to run into the water his pain would be relieved, but no... he didn't think of that. But now I am rambling some pointless junk and moving away from the plot so let's go onward to the plot which really doesn't exist but anyway... wow! What a run-on sentence!  
  
"Helloooo!!" Astaroth greeted when he walked up to the warriors.  
  
Kilik looked at the golem in confusion, "What are YOU so happy about?"  
  
"It's WORM DAY!!"  
  
Cassandra looked appalled, "Ew!! Worms!!"  
  
"Sis!" Sophitia warned.  
  
"What?" Cassandra asked, "I think that he was really talking about worms this time!"  
  
"No he wasn't...Sophitia protested, "...was he?"  
  
Taki motioned her head to something behind Sophitia, "Turn around."  
  
"Huh?" Sophitia turned around in to see Astaroth dangling a big, juicy worm in front of her face, "Ew!!! GROSS!!"  
  
"Hm..." Necrid scratched his chin in thought, "Hm again..." he walked up to Astaroth and grab the worm, "Yes... that's it..." he popped the worm in his mouth and ate it.  
  
The warriors' eyes grew wide, "Yuck!!"  
  
"Yum!" Necrid smiled.  
  
Maxi wrinkled his nose in disgust, "OK... I'm disturbed."  
  
"Me, too." Taki agreed.  
  
"Me, three." Xianghua added.  
  
"Me..." Astaroth began, "What comes after three?" Everyone simply shook their heads and proceeded with what they were doing. Astaroth was sad. Poor, poor Astaroth...  
  
"Say, guys..." Talim got the attention of the group and she pointed to Nightmare who was - once again - running around in circles.  
  
"I'll take care of this," Maxi offered. He pulled out his nunchucku and hit Nightmare.  
  
"Aaah!!" Nightmare fell flat on his face. He lifted his head to see Astaroth hanging a worm in front of him! "Eeeeeeek!!" the warriors stared at Nightmare oddly for a moment. Nightmare cleared his throat, "Ahem... let us never speak of this again." Everyone simply nodded slowly and then there was a long silence, broken by Necrid;  
  
"Ugh... I don't feel good..."  
  
"Don't tell me that that honestly surprises you," Kilik said.  
  
"Actually..." Necrid began, "Excuse me!" he ran off into the woods.  
  
~~~With the search party~~~  
  
Everyone was gathered around Charade, trying to figure out what he was trying to say. What was so complex to figure out? Why, Charade was pointing to a tree, of course! WHAT!? You actually understand what he was trying to say?? Man... you're good. Anyway...  
  
"I swear... it's like we're playing charades," Mitsurugi observed.  
  
Raphael rolled his eyes, "Convenient, considering his name."  
  
"His name?" Mitsurugi pondered for a moment, "Oh!! His name is CHARADE!! And Charade is charades without an S!!"  
  
"Aren't you the smart one," Raphael commented sarcastically.  
  
"Flooshdwoo!!" Voldo suggested... again.  
  
Yoshimitsu smacked him upside the head, "No! He does NOT see a monkey!"  
  
"Maybe we should look where he's pointing," Raphael thought aloud.  
  
"Maybe you should shut up," said Mitsurugi.  
  
"Gr... Well I'M looking up!" Raphael looked up. Excitement grew in Charade's eye as Raphael took notice to the... "Ananas!!"  
  
"Huh?" all of the English-speaking warriors said, dumbfounded.  
  
Raphael sighed, "Oh, you all really must learn French!"  
  
"Uh huh..."  
  
"Pineapples!!" Raphael explained.  
  
"OH!!" Yoshimitsu finally understood, "But how shall we pick them?"  
  
"Like this!!" Mitsurugi proposed as he pulled out his sword and chopped down the tree.  
  
"I said 'pick', but that'll do..." they all proceeded in gathering pineapples.  
  
~~~Back at shore~~~  
  
"I'm soooo hungry..." Yunsung complained.  
  
"So am I," Mina clutched her growling stomach.  
  
Yunsung objected, "But young people - like me - need more food!"  
  
"Gr... I'm young, too!" Mina shouted.  
  
"No you're not," Yunsung disagreed, "Once you turn twenty, you are no longer young."  
  
"Well I'm still hungry!!" Mina whined.  
  
As if answering their complaints, Mitsurugi walked up with an armful of pineapples, "Guess what we found!"  
  
"A monkey??" the warriors asked hopefully.  
  
"No... Ananas!!" Raphael dropped his pineapples in front of him.  
  
"Pineapples?" Sophitia asked with excitement growing in her voice, "I LOVE PINEAPPLES!!" she tackled Raphael.  
  
"Aaah!! Just take them!!" Raphael gave in out of fear.  
  
Sophitia smiled, "Yay!" she began eating pineapples, along with the others.  
  
Yoshimitsu looked around, "Wait... where is Necrid?"  
  
Necrid walked out of the forest, "Ugh... right here..."  
  
"And what about Ivy and Cervantes?"  
  
"Oh! Those two? I saw them in the woods, too! I don't know what they were doing... but I heard them say something like 'DIE!!' and the other said 'I can't!! I'm already dead!!' Insert maniacal laughter here," Necrid replied, "And the other one was there, too!"  
  
"Other one?"  
  
"Yeah! The one in the green skirt-dress-thing!"  
  
Link then ran up, screaming, "Hya!! Hyaaaaaa!!!!!"  
  
"He says he resents that and that it's a tunic," Kilik translated.  
  
"Yeah, yeah, whatever..." Necrid wasn't really paying attention, "Aren't the others with you, Greeny?"  
  
"Ya, hyaaaaa, ya, ya."  
  
"They're still fighting of course," Kilik replied for him.  
  
"Let us go and destroy their souls!!" Nightmare randomly said.  
  
Astaroth then added innocently, "But Cervantes does not..."  
  
"If you finish that sentence, I swear that I'll kill you," Taki threatened monotonously. Astaroth hung his head in shame.  
  
"Ahem... as I was saying; let's go find them!" Nightmare took charge of their little posse. No one really paid any attention to Nightmare since they were eating pineapple.  
  
There was a long silence, but Maxi broke it, "Yo! Are we going or not??"  
  
Taki shrugged, "Sure, why not?" all of the warriors headed deep into the woods, where...  
  
~~~In the woods~~~  
  
Ivy stood in front of Cervantes. She snapped Valentine and whipped Cervantes, "Why won't you DIE!?!?"  
  
"Quite simply because I am already dead! HAHAHAHAHA!!!!" Cervantes mocked.  
  
"That's it!!" Ivy screamed, "You've used that lousy pun for the last time!!" she entangled Cervantes in her sword and sat on him.  
  
"Ah!! Being sat on!! My one weakness!!"  
  
"All right, father..." Ivy smirked, "I'll let you go when you admit that just because you are dead, you are not the most powerful being in this world."  
  
Cervantes groaned, "Fine! I..." just as he began his pleading, the others walked into the clearing.  
  
"HAHA!!" Mitsurugi laughed, "This is a classic scene of amusement!"  
  
"Hee hee! And how!" Xianghua added.  
  
"What a wimp!" Necrid scoffed.  
  
Cassandra giggled, "You have no idea how funny this looks!!"  
  
"On the contrary, I'm aware that it looks hilarious," Ivy smirked again, "Father, weren't you about to say something?"  
  
"Aw, jeez! Not in front of EVERYONE!!" Cervantes moaned.  
  
"Come on... just say it!" Yunsung pleaded, "We could all use more laughter!"  
  
"Grr... FINE! Just because I'm dead..." Cervantes began, "... doesn't mean I'm the most powerful being." Everyone else burst into a fit of laughter. "There is no pride left in me..." Cervantes lied down on the ground.  
  
"Ah, sleep! Not a bad idea!" Talim smiled, "Since NIGHTMARE woke me up!" she lied down, as well.  
  
Nightmare scratched his head in confusion, "Wait...how did I wake you up?"  
  
"Just go to sleep!" Kilik pushed Nightmare down, and then proceeded to go to sleep as well. All of the others did the same.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Hee hee!! That chapter actually took me a lot of time to re-write. o_0 Anyhoo... did you like it? Please review and let me know! Chapter 4 shall be up when I can! But I have a French speech and geography project and other fanfics to update. Yeah...  
  
To Xingy - Yes, yes! Re-post! Soon, soon!! @_@  
  
To Sea Wolf - But my Nightmare bit was classic! Well... Kilik shall get into a sticky predicament at some point. I assure ye! I know how you enjoy seeing Kilik in peril! XD  
  
To Abby-normal - Here's chapter 3! ^_^ Hope you enjoyed it! (It certainly didn't help make you take Cevantes any more serious, eh? XD)  
  
To shigromia - Thanks so much! I'm so glad that you like my fic! Your review made my day! ^_^  
  
To PhantomMonkey - Exactly! Bitch-slaps always add to amusement! *nods*  
  
To Lady-Drakin - Ah, my dear friend! Indeed it takes a hell of a lot longer to write story format. Like... 2 hours. @_@ Of course... I was on the phone and watching TV at the same time but... ssh! ^.~  
  
To Xenomina - Heh... that WOULD be rather amusing. Yunsung hitting on people... so classic. Thanks for the suggestion! I'll try to apply it to later chapters!  
  
Until next time... Salut!! 


	4. Nightmare's NotsoReally Fate

Ahem... so, here's yet another chapter of Warrior Island! (I love this chapter...) And, so you know, Draka would be the... erm... character of one of my friends. Yeah... (For those of you who read the original version, you know who she is. ^.~)  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own the Soul Calibur stuff, which is basically all of the stuff. BASICALLY.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Warrior Island  
  
*~* Chapter 4 - Nightmare's Not-so-Really Fate *~*  
  
After enjoying a peaceful night of rest - besides occasionally waking up from Nightmare's snoring - it was finally morning, and all of the warriors were prepared to continue to find a way off of the island... sort of... maybe... possibly... I guess... not likely... no.  
  
Talim glared at Nightmare, "If another night of sleeping here is in our future, you are staying in the WOODS!" she warned.  
  
Nightmare hung his head in shame, "Aw..."  
  
"Guys! You won't believe it!" Maxi interrupted, "I had a dream! A dream... about a legend! A legend... of how to catch a monkey!"  
  
Mina stared at Maxi oddly, "How do you dream about a legend?"  
  
"I don't know... it's like dreaming of reading!"  
  
"That's a pretty cheap-ass dream," Mina commented.  
  
"Yeah, I know," Maxi agreed despite the fact that it was HIS dream, "Anyway... in the dream, the legend said that there were these men who were trying to catch a monkey. To do so, they cut a hole in a coconut that was juuuuust the right size for a monkey's hand to fit in..." The others all struggled to keep from laughing. "Then, they put a banana in this coconut... so when the monkey reached in for the banana... His hand got stuck!!" Everyone but Maxi broke into a fit of laughter.  
  
"That is the lamest thing that I've ever heard!" Taki said between laughs.  
  
Cervantes was also laughing - and for once it wasn't about being dead, "What kind of idiot monkey would fall for that!?"  
  
"Stop laughing!" Maxi whined, "I mean... who can resist a delicious, coveted banana?"  
  
"I certainly can," Raphael replied, returning to his normal tone, "But do you know what I can't resist? ANANAS!!"  
  
"Hyaaaaaa!!" Link exclaimed.  
  
As always, Kilik translated, "He says 'ananas' is 'bananas' without a B."  
  
"Ce n'est pas le point," Raphael rolled his eyes.  
  
"Hyaaa, ya!" Link... erm... added...  
  
"He also says that they're both yellow."  
  
"What do you not understand about 'Ce n'est pas le point'?!" Raphael shouted.  
  
Necrid answered this one, "Everything."  
  
Ivy took the liberty to return to the conversation to monkeys. God bless that evil slut. "Maxi, how exactly would we find a coconut if we want to catch this delicious, coveted monkey... I mean... just monkey?"  
  
"I say that we cut down all of the trees until we find a coconut!" Mitsurugi suggested.  
  
"But... but... what if the monkeys fall from the trees and die?" tears formed in Cervantes' eyes.  
  
"That is a risk that I am willing to take," Mitsurugi proceeded in chopping down the trees. Chop, chop... chop, chop...  
  
"NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!" everyone feared for the safety of the monkeys. After cutting a new clearing into the forest, a coconut fell from a tree.  
  
"Pass the ananas!" Mitsurugi commanded, "I mean... Pineapple! Dammit!!"  
  
"Aha!!" Raphael said triumphantly, "My français is rubbing off on you!"  
  
Mitsurugi opened his mouth to scream, but stopped, "Wait... what's français?"  
  
Raphael sighed, "So much for that theory..."  
  
"I don't know, guys..." Taki said while carving a hole in the coconut, "I think that a banana would work better in this situation."  
  
"Well, we'll have to deal with what we have," as always, Talim was being optimistic.  
  
"Too bad what we have sucks," Xianghua commented. Everyone nodded in agreement. Just then... a shadow... leaped... through... the TREES!!  
  
Voldo looked up at the trees, "Glooshwoo??" he tilted his head.  
  
"Did I see what?" Yoshimitsu asked.  
  
Voldo pointed to the tree, "Shaa!"  
  
A pretty, little blue jay sat in its nest in the tree, "Tweet! Tweet!"  
  
"Um... should I care about the bird?" Yoshimitsu was confused.  
  
"CAW!! CAW!!" The bird flew out of the tree and pecked at Yoshimitsu.  
  
"Ow!! Friggin' tweet-machine!!"  
  
Cassandra giggled, "'Tweet-machine'? HA!! Nice word, Yoshi!"  
  
"I am YoshiMITSU! Not Yoshi... never Yoshi... Call me by my full name!"  
  
A sudden look of... idea-ness... crossed Mitsurugi's face, "Hey! The last part of YOUR name is the same as the first part of MY name!"  
  
"Good for you..." Yoshimitsu shifted away.  
  
Xianghua tapped her foot impatiently, "Can we just go and find the stupid monkey!?"  
  
Kilik shrugged, "Sure, why not?"  
  
"Because I don't want to," Yunsung objected.  
  
"Stop answering rhetorical questions, Yunsung."  
  
"But I don't want to go!" Yunsung complained.  
  
"FINE!" Kilik shouted, "Then just stay!"  
  
"OK!" Yunsung grinned and sat down triumphantly.  
  
Kilik looked annoyed, "All right... the rest of you; let's move!" And so they all went out into the woods... forest... thing... with trees... while Yunsung stayed behind.  
  
Yunsung lay down on the ground and looked up at the sky. He didn't notice the same figure that Voldo saw flash through the trees again. "I can't help but feel like someone's watching me..." he said to himself. And he was right, for the figure leaped out of the tree and... "AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!" Yunsung's screech echoed through the woods.  
  
--- In the woods ---  
  
"Did anyone else hear that?" Talim questioned.  
  
"No. Shut up and keep walking," Taki commanded. Talim reluctantly obeyed.  
  
"Come on, people! Let's move here!" Nightmare shouted.  
  
Sophitia sniffed the air, "Something... smells here... like... tar..."  
  
"You smell things that don't exist, Sis," said Cassandra.  
  
"What's that supposed to mean!?"  
  
Cassandra cowered, "Nothing..."  
  
Charade looked around, and his eyes... er... eye... wandered to Nightmare. But... GASP!! Nightmare was shorter than him! Mina looked over, "What the-? That can't be right..."  
  
"Huh?" Nightmare looked up and saw Charade, "AAAH!! I'm un-growing!!" Nightmare tried to run for his dear, sweet life... but no! He couldn't! "I'm stuck!! I'm sinking!!!!" he screamed.  
  
"Oh! I get it!" Sophitia seemed proud, "I smelt tar because Nightmare was standing in it!"  
  
Nightmare began to weep, "I don't want to die!! I'm too young and sexy!!!!"  
  
The girls all broke into a fit of laughter, "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"Remember me... as a man... who LOVED ALL!!" Nightmare sobbed.  
  
Cricket...... cricket.......  
  
"I know it's not true, but pretend it is!!"  
  
"Stop your rambling," Kilik muttered and held out Kali-Yuga, "Grab onto my rod!"  
  
"Uh..."  
  
Kilik sighed, "That's not what I meant..." he poked Nightmare in the eye with Kali-Yuga.  
  
"OW!! Oh... that stick-thing..." Nightmare realized. Nightmare gripped Kali- Yuga.  
  
Kilik struggled to pull him out, "All right... I'm helping to rescue my arch-nemesis... and he's TOO DAMN HEAVY!! Lay off the jelly and custard doughnuts, man!"  
  
"I don't weight THAT much!" Nightmare protested, "It's my armour!" Kilik grinned devilishly. "What are you- OH NO!! I am not! No way!! My armour stays ON, thank you!"  
  
Xianghua smirked, "Ooo, Nightmare! Take it off!" Voldo somewhat-whistled and winked flirtatiously.  
  
"AAAAAAHHHHH!!" Nightmare screamed again.  
  
"Come now," Ivy encouraged him, "Don't make us come in there and help you strip down." Nightmare's eyes widened in horror.  
  
"You know you'll enjoy it," Taki insisted, "Because we sure will!" Nightmare's eyes widened even more.  
  
"Show us what you're made of, Nightmare!"  
  
"Reveal how manly you are!"  
  
"Mmmhmm!" The women all put in their taunting comments.  
  
Nightmare cried again, "I don't wanna!!"  
  
Maxi knelt down by the tar pit what-cha-ma-callit, "Nightmare... there comes a time in every man's life where he displays himself in public. Be thankful that yours is here around people you know. My time came just one month ago... I was at the ol' swimmin' hole. Jumped in the water, and my trunks came right off!" Everyone stared at Maxi in silence. "What? Are you all implying that there isn't a time for every man?"  
  
"You know... it's never come up," Kilik replied.  
  
"What are you talking about?" Xianghua snapped, "Remember when I walked in on y- "  
  
Kilik quickly covered Xianghua's mouth, "I... don't know what you're talking about..." he then whispered to her, "We agreed that that never happened!" Xianghua nodded in understanding. "Good..." Kilik released Xianghua from his mouth-covering-ness.  
  
Xianghua giggled, "That was a fun day!"  
  
"Ahem... Should I know what you're speaking of?" his shifty eyes were apparent.  
  
Maxi's face beamed, "I know what she's talking about!!"  
  
Kilik whacked Maxi, "Quiet, fool!"  
  
"ARGH!!" Nightmare shouted, "While you're arguing - I'm SINKING!!"  
  
"You know what you must do..." Astaroth said, "Worms..."  
  
Nightmare took a deep breath, "OK... here we go..." Nightmare began to take off his armour as the girls giggled insanely.  
  
Raphael frowned, "Why is he not wearing anything under his armour?"  
  
Mitsurugi shrugged, "It's a mystery... and I fear the answer..."  
  
"Hurry and grab onto Kali-Yuga!" Kilik ordered. Nightmare obeyed and Kilik pulled him out of the tar-ish muck.  
  
Cassandra looked Nightmare up and down, "Ooo! Nightmare... gorgeous!"  
  
Link looked revolted. He walked up to Nightmare, "Ya," he handed Nightmare a leaf.  
  
"You're right, Link... cover up, Nightmare!" Kilik translated Link's words, as always.  
  
Cervantes shielded his eyes, "Gah!! My virgin eyes!!"  
  
Everyone stared at Cervantes. "Father... you're... my father... That makes no sense!" Ivy was confused.  
  
"Well, you see... I consider my mortal and immortal lives different... soooo... in my immortal life..."  
  
"That's enough of that conversation!" Necrid cut in, "I'd rather not talk about it, seeing as I'm ugly and mutated and all... just... cover up, Nightmare!"  
  
"Come on! Give the ladies some eye candy!" Sophitia pleaded.  
  
Talim looked at Sophitia, "Aren't you married?"  
  
"Yeah, well... Rothion isn't here... so it's his loss."  
  
"I see..." Talim said, "I think we should go back now... to check on Yunsung. I still believe that I heard a scream."  
  
"Go LIKE THIS?!" Nightmare exclaimed.  
  
No one took any notice to him and began returning to the clearing. "Come on, guys!!" Nightmare whined. He looked around frantically and grabbed a pile of leaves. "Yay! Leaves!" He stuck them onto the tar on his body and chased after the others, "WAIT UP!!"  
  
--- Back in the Clearing ---  
  
"Yunsung!!" Cassandra called, "Are you out there!?"  
  
"Young person! Worms!"  
  
"YUNSUNG!! Get your ass out here!!!!" Mina shouted.  
  
Suddenly... a figure leaped out of the tree... "BOO!!"  
  
"Eeek!! Mina screamed.  
  
"Come on, don't scream..." the figure said.  
  
"But... but you're..." prepare for the figure to be revealed... "ASSASSIN!!"  
  
Assassin shrugged, "It's just a name."  
  
Then - randomly - a young girl walks by. A girl who shall be known as Draka, "What's in a name? A rose by any other name would smell as sweet..." she recited in a British accent.  
  
"Hyaaaa!! Ya!! HYAAAAA!!" Link gave his battle cry as he slashed Draka in half.  
  
Kilik translated in a monotonous voice, "Stupid Shakespeare. Die. Die. Die."  
  
Draka's two halves ran around in circles, "Fair is foul! Foul is fair!"  
  
Link had had enough of this poetry. He took his blade and hacked Draka into many, little pieces. "Yaaa!! HYA!!!!"  
  
"Kill the pants! Kill the pants!"  
  
Everyone stared at the translator, Kilik, "WHAT!?" they exclaimed simultaneously.  
  
"Don't ask me!" Kilik said, "It was Link!"  
  
Assassin looked insulted, "I feel unloved..."  
  
"Aw... did that random Shakespeare-quoter steal your thunder?" Cassandra asked, sympathetically. Assassin nodded.  
  
"Sorry," Astaroth said, "Ahem... uh... OH NO!! Assassin will kill us all!! Worms and all!!!"  
  
"Actually, I'm here to take you to my master," Assassin explained.  
  
"Is Yunsung there?" Talim asked worriedly.  
  
"Oh, yes... and if I know my master... Yunsung is in 'good' care..."  
  
--- With Yunsung and Assassin's "Master" ---  
  
Yunsung was sitting in a room with Assassin's youthful master. She appeared nothing like most people from this time... she appeared from... the future!! (Dun, dun, duuuuun!)  
  
"Who... exactly are you?" Yunsung asked, feeling intimidated by the girl's lustful ((A/N: Yay! That's such a fun word! Right, Lady-Drakin? ^_^)) gaze.  
  
"I go by the name of Namika. You needn't no more as of now... well... except maybe that I own this island, but whatever," she rolled her eyes.  
  
"Own this island!?!?" Yunsung repeated in disbelief.  
  
"Yup," Namika confirmed, "Oh! And you might want to know that I find you incredibly sexy!"  
  
"REALLY?" Yunsung asked sarcastically, "I never would have guessed from your STARING AT ME!"  
  
Namika raised an eyebrow, "Man... you're not the brightest then."  
  
Yunsung sighed, "I am soooo screwed..."  
  
*~* End of Chapter 4 *~*  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Woohoo!! A slight plot shall develop soon!! Sort of... not so much... but still! More Warrior Island shall come soon... and until then, review!! ((I can't do any of my little 'to -insert name-' things because it's too late and I want to post this, so... sayonara 'til next time! 


	5. Namika's Kingdom of DOOM!

La la la la la la... I'm happy because I am no longer in pain!! ^_^ You see... I know that you don't care... but I went snowboarding and fell down a lot and it hurt and it was fun and it hurt! Ahem... here is chapter 5.  
  
Disclaimer: As always, I own nothing. *sniffle* So sad...  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Warrior Island  
  
*~* Chapter 5 - Namika's Kingdom of DOOM!! *~*  
  
As Assassin leads the warriors to the castle place-a-ma-bob, Namika is playing The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time. Yunsung... does not understand the first thing about it.  
  
"What the hell is that!?" Yunsung pointed to the TV screen.  
  
"That's Link, you sexy fool," Namika replied.  
  
Yunsung chose to ignore the 'you sexy fool' remark, "Uh huh... and what's that?"  
  
"A bottle with a letter in it."  
  
"What a cheap method of transportation... And what in wherever-the-hell- this-game-takes-place-in is THAT!?"  
  
"A Zora."  
  
"Why is it moving so slowly?"  
  
"Because... it's a STUPID SON-OF-A-BITCH!!" Namika picked up a random pillow and whipped it at the TV. "In your face, idiot King Zora!! Mwahahahahaha!!!!!! Oh yay! He's finally done moving out of my way so I can go on to Zora's Fountain!" Namika beamed.  
  
Yunsung shifted away... er... more away, "Has anyone told you that you have SERIOUS issues that you need to settle?"  
  
"Too many people..." muttered Namika.  
  
Yunsung thought to himself... well, generally people think to themselves, right? I mean... unless there's someone with telekinesis around, but... never mind. 'Wow... what a surprise that is. The others better get here soon. I'm pretty damn scared right now...'  
  
---Meanwhile, with the others---  
  
"So... very... tired..." Cervantes gasped for air... not that he needs it or anything.  
  
"That's because you're old," Talim explained as kindly as possible.  
  
Cervantes scratched his chin in ponder-ness, "Was my daughter right? Does being dead NOT make me the most powerful being in the world!?" Everyone shook their heads. "I... I just don't know how to feel right now!" Cervantes sobbed.  
  
"My dead father..." Ivy paused, "... the drama queen."  
  
Nightmare was following the others from a discrete distance, "Can we just hurry up, please?! I am still very, very NUDE!!"  
  
"Yes... you really are and it is very, very BAD!" commented Yoshimitsu.  
  
"And on top of the disturbedness, you smell bad!" Mina exclaimed, "No... wait... REEK! Yes! That's the word..."  
  
"Good job, Mina," Kilik said sarcastically.  
  
Mina smiled triumphantly, "Thank you, Kilik!" Kilik simply shook his head.  
  
"Assassiiiiiin..." Xianghua whined, "How much farther until we get there?"  
  
"We're almost there."  
  
Xianghua rolled her eyes, "Thanks for being so precise..."  
  
Sophitia joined in the conversation, "Assassin, if this castle is owned by the leader of this island... then... shouldn't it be big enough for us to see from here??"  
  
Assassin shrugged, "It doesn't have to be huge. After all, my master is only fourteen years old."  
  
"Fourteen!?" everyone exclaimed simultaneously ((A/N: I love that word! XD))  
  
"Yup. And there's more to it than that," Assassin added, "She comes from another world. Well... not really other world... just another time period. She claims that coming here is her way to escape all of the bitches of the future." The warriors remained silent. "I have much knowledge of that world," Assassin continued. "Master Namika has provided much information about it... when she complains, that is."  
  
Cassandra groaned, "PLEASE tell me that we won't have to listen to her complaints! I was fourteen once..."  
  
"And you were hell to listen to!" Sophitia said, "I mean... I'm supposed to be a king older sister and everything but... MY GODS!! You had to learn how to shut up once in a while!"  
  
"Well... you love me now. And that's all that matters."  
  
"Yes... of course I... love you now..." Sophitia had shifty eyes while saying this last comment.  
  
Astaroth frowned, "I want the exact distance to the castle, worm!"  
  
"Two kilometres," replied Assassin.  
  
"In miles."  
  
Assassin sighed, "Something around one point five miles... I think..."  
  
"You should stay away from the metric system, Assassin," said Astaroth.  
  
"Yeah, I know. But... around here the metric system is more efficient," Assassin explained. Astaroth just shrugged.  
  
"That's too far..." Maxi complained, "Kilik! Carry me!"  
  
Kilik looked at Maxi oddly, "NO!!"  
  
"Aw... come on!"  
  
"Hyaaaa, hya ya!!" Link joined in.  
  
"He says..." Kilik paused and an evil grin crossed his face, "That he'd GLADLY carry you!"  
  
Link's eyes widened as Maxi jumped on his back, "Piggy back!!!" he shouted gleefully.  
  
Link struggled to balance, "AAAAAAAAAAAH!!" he fell over.  
  
"Wow!" Kilik said, "I don't have to translate his screams!"  
  
"Oh goody," Taki commented monotonously, "Now your translated can stop occasionally."  
  
"If we walk in silence, the miles will go faster," Necrid suggested.  
  
Cricket...... Cricket......  
  
Necrid stepped on the crickets. The crickets died and there was dead silence until...  
  
"Pickle weasel!!" Mitsurugi shouted. Everyone but Raphael burst into a fit of laughter.  
  
Raphael scowled, "I fail to see why this amuses you."  
  
"Come on, Raph..." Mitsurugi began.  
  
"Do not call me 'Raph'."  
  
"Yeah, whatever..." Mitsurugi falsely agreed, "Just lighten up and picture a pickle weasel..."  
  
Raphael paused and imagined a pickle... but it was alive... and it looked like a weasel!! "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Mitsurugi stared wide-eyed, "It... wasn't... that funny..."  
  
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!" Raphael continued laughing until Charade whacked him upside the head! Erm... again. "Ouch! Stop doing that!" Raphael commanded, "It's highly undignified!"  
  
"As are many things in this world..." Yoshimitsu said solemnly.  
  
"Like you!" Raphael said quick-wittedly, "HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!"  
  
"Oh, God! He's laughing again!! Shut him up! Shut him up!!!!" Xianghua covered her ears.  
  
"OK!" Kilik grinned as he hit Raphael over the head with Kali-Yuga.  
  
Raphael appeared as though he was about to pass out, "Oh... I have a splitting headache..." and he was about to. And he did.  
  
Astaroth picked up Raphael and swung him over his back, "Let's go..." Astaroth began walking again and the others followed. Assassin ran head so everyone knew where the hell they were going.  
  
---In the castle---  
  
"You know... I may not know as much about this game as you..." Yunsung began, "But even though all of these little rock-like people are part of the same race... shouldn't they look the slightest bit different?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Oh... um... OK?" Yunsung continued staring at the television, which now read...  
  
'I am Hwang! Hero of the Gorons!'  
  
Yunsung raised an eyebrow, "Why did you name your character Hwang and WHY is that rock-like guy saying that he has the same name as you??"  
  
"Because it is his name since his father is too lazy-ass to come up with an original name so he just stole mine," Namika replied.  
  
"... but why did you name your character Hwang?"  
  
"Because Hwang is hot," Namika sighed dreamily, "ALMOST as hot as you..."  
  
'Dammit,' Yunsung thought, 'Only almost... that means she'll continue obsessing over me...' he closed his eyes, 'Ah well... I'll deal.' He opened his eyes and noticed that Namika had gradually inched over toward him until she was right beside him, "AH!!"  
  
Namika smirked and leaned back coolly, "Oh yeah... I am the mast- AAH!!" she had leaned back too much and thereby tipped the couch over causing her and Yunsung to fall backwards. "Ow..."  
  
Yunsung rubbed the back of his head, "Yeah, right... the master of uncoordinatedness."  
  
"Hmph," Namika pouted, "Fine! If you want to be that way... I'll just have to stay in this position."  
  
"Position?" Yunsung repeated before noticing that Namika had oh-so- coincidentally landed on top of him. "AAH!! Get it off!!!!"  
  
"You know you're enjoying it," Namika winked.  
  
"Dear God!! NO!!!!!"  
  
Just then, Assassin walked in leading the warriors into the castle, "And here we are!" he announced, "This is the living room where Namika spends most of her ti-" Assassin paused for a moment as he caught sight of Yunsung and Namika, "What the hell are you two doing!?!?"  
  
"Uh..." both of their minds were drawing a blank. Voldo raised an eyebrow curiously. They then both magically came up with a response, "Anything that you may have seen is simply the result of a crazy obsession and an accident prone freak."  
  
"That seemed rehearsed..." observed Cassandra.  
  
"It wasn't, I swear!!" Yunsung and Namika said together, then looked at each other funny, "Stop saying that I'm saying! ... Hey!! Lousy coincidental wordness..."  
  
The others all stared blankly, "Erm..."  
  
"Why must everyone question me!?" Namika exclaimed. She got off of Yunsung and stormed off into her room.  
  
Yunsung casually stood up and dusted himself off, "Ahem... good to see you all again."  
  
"OK..." Assassin said, "Now that that awkward scene is over with... there are indeed some things that we must discuss."  
  
"Sloooshbwoo!!" Voldo shouted.  
  
Yoshimitsu stared at Voldo, "For once I have no idea what he just said..."  
  
"It could have been some terrible Italian profanity!" Assassin gasped, "Take him to the dungeon!!"  
  
Two more Assassins walked in and carried Voldo away, "CLAAAAAAAAAAA!!" Voldo's screech echoed through the castle.  
  
"Woohoo!! Voldo's gone!!" Cassandra did a little victory dance, "No offence... but that things was too damn ugly to look at."  
  
Ivy ignored the Voldo incident, "So... there are more Assassins here..." she turned to the ultimate Assassin. "How did you end up working for that girl?"  
  
"Well... it a- short... and tragic story," Assassin began, "I grew up on an Assassin ranch. Good times indeed... next-door to our ranch were a Lizardman farm and the Berserker breeders. You see, I never got to know my parents... but that didn't bother me as a child at all. I had all of the friends that I could have ever needed to be happy... Until that fateful day..." random thunder booms from outside and lightening flashes, "That day when the ranchman packed packed a whole lotta us into a biiiiig box... and then we were shipped off to E-somethingorother...  
  
Namika walked out of her room carrying a phone, "E-Bay!"  
  
"Yes! E-Bay! That's the one!" Assassin snapped his fingers, "Anyway... it was then that I was separated from my Lizardman friends AND my Berserker friends... We all lived in that biiiiig box for a week. A week, I tells ya!! When I was finally free... I found myself on this island..."  
  
Talim wiped a tear from her eye, "That's so sad! You poor Assassin..."  
  
"Just be glad that you weren't a Lizardman!" said Namika, "I heard that they were shipped off to... a freakshow!!"  
  
Yoshimitsu shook his head slowly, "What a terrible fate..."  
  
"I think that YOU belong in a freakshow, Yoshi!" Cassandra grinned.  
  
"I am YoshiMITSU!! And I do NOT belong in a freakshow!"  
  
Yunsung walked over to a light switch on the wall and flipped it off. The only thing that was seen in the darkness was... an arm!? A glow-in-the-dark arm!? Oh... it's Yoshimitsu's fake arm. Yunsung then flipped the light switch back on.  
  
"Your arm glows," Cassandra observed.  
  
Yoshimitsu hung his head in shame, "They offered me a glow-in-the-dark arm and... I just couldn't resist!!" he sobbed.  
  
"There, there," Maxi pet Yoshimitsu on the back, "The first step is admitting your addiction."  
  
"Addiction!?" Yoshimitsu shouted, "I only have ONE!!"  
  
"Frankly, one glow-in-the-dark arm is too many," commented Maxi. Yoshimitsu sighed.  
  
"Erm..." Nightmare's voice was faintly heard from behind the over-turned couch, "Can I PLEASE have some clothes!? This is very uncomfortable and humiliating!!"  
  
"Ah, yes! Of course!" Namika then instructed, "Just go down that hallway and open the third door on the left. It's FULL of clothes for you!"  
  
Nightmare blinked, "Why do you have a room full of clothes for me?"  
  
"Because I am all-knowing on my island. I knew that you needed clothes... so... for the good of us all... ((Lady Manson & Lady-Drakin: What!? Nightmare nude is good!!)) Just go and get yourself some clothes!"  
  
"OK," Nightmare walked down the hallway and opened the third door on the left causing a pile of clothes to fall on top of him, "AAAAH!!!"  
  
Namika laughed to herself, "All right, that should keep him busy for a while. So while we wait... we shall listen to this random message of joy!!" Namika put her cordless phone on the table in the centre of the room. "I shall put it on speaker-phone... and you will listen to a message that my brother's friend left for my brother." Everyone found it an odd thing to do... but... whatever.  
  
"Hey Soup," the message began, "You have something of mine... and I have your credit card. So... if you wish to see that which is yours again... I suggest that you return that which is mine," there was a short silence, "Yeah..... later!"  
  
The warriors all sat in silence as Namika broke into a fit of laughter. "That was just... your brother and his friends have issues," Mina said.  
  
"Yeah I know!" Namika agreed between laughs, "Ahem..." she returned to her normal tone, "So... Nightmare will STILL be a while. Let's watch some late night TV!!"  
  
"Yay!! No censoring!!!" the warriors exclaimed. And so they watched TV late into the night... but the things that awaited them were very... random...  
  
*~* End of Chapter 5 *~*  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Yay!! I enjoyed myself re-writing this chapter. Did you guys like it? Please review and give me your opinions - as always. ^_^ Now... here are my comments to YOU!  
  
To Sea Wolf - I'm adding your mango-eater's peril in next chapter! ^_^ Mwahaha... this'll be fun...  
  
To Xingy - That's right! Don't do your assignment! Read fan fictions! XD  
  
To PhantomMonkey - "Girl-crazy-ish"... perhaps. But 'twas more of an "It's homeroom and I'm bored so I think I'll make Nightmare strip". ^.~  
  
To tosha54 - Yay! Dude, Where's my Car!! XD Ah... that movie kicks ass. Is this shibby work sufficient? ^_^  
  
To Lady-Drakin - You tell that random person and their idiot-ness!! Shakespeare... Psht. What does he know? (Random person: More than you!) Oh, yeah!? Then why is he dead!? (Random person: Erm... uh... I... BYE!! *runs away*)  
  
To Spider-bear - Nuditiness!! I like it!! *adds it to dictionary that she's writing*  
  
To Some Mabas Guy - Well... every chapter consists of SOME mocking Raphael. ^.~ And this one contains more of the "chick from the future" and... well... more Mina to come, my friend! *scribbles something random down on a paper that says, "Ancient Koreans are hot in the eyes of... well... people"*  
  
To Xenomina - Yunsung's hitting-ness shall arrive soon! Mwahaha... And as Goshawk said in their review, Namika is indeed me. ^_^  
  
To Cj - Yay!! I'm saluted!! Ahem... right... so... Spread the word, eh? Here we go!! *holds up big, neon sign that says "GO READ CJ'S STORY - THE FORGOTTEN WARRIOR"* ^_^ There!  
  
To Goshawk - But it's fun to put your obsessions in peril! As long as they come out of it that is... (Lady-Drakin: That's a lie!! Su-i-cide!!) Er... ignore her. She likes torturing her obsessions. I feel so honoured that this is your favourite Soul Calibur fic! ^_^ And I would love to be in your fic as a crazy-stalker-freak! Mwahaha...  
  
To Lady Manson - Erm... I magically make you a leaf of this past chapter! Dum da da da! Thou art a leaf on Nightmare!  
  
Sayonara to all until next chapter!! ^_______^ 


	6. The Night of TERROR

*cough, cough* So... sick... and... spent whole day watching X!! WHOO!! Ahem... here's chapter 6.  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Soul Calibur II characters, nor any of the random songs that appear in this chapter... ooo! Nor the reality shows that the characters discuss...  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Warrior Island  
  
*~* Chapter 6 – The Night of TERROR *~*  
  
"So... this is Survivor?" Ivy asked, staring at the TV.  
  
"Yup!" Talim smiled, "Isn't it great??"  
  
Ivy shrugged, "Adequate, I suppose."  
  
"What are you talking about!?" exclaimed Raphael, "It's terrible!! Absolutely revolting!"  
  
Mitsurugi seemed entranced, "It's like my everyday life..."  
  
...... Silence ......  
  
"I wish that Big Brother were on... The drama! The passion!" Xianghua sighed dreamily.  
  
Astaroth wrinkled his nose, "Too cheesy, worms..."  
  
"Cheesy worms?!" Cassandra exclaimed, "GROSS!!"  
  
"Like maggoty cheese!" Cervantes grinned, "Which would be from my favourite reality show..."  
  
"Fear Factor!" Yoshimitsu recalled.  
  
"Precisely!"  
  
Talim tilted her head, "I thought no one here watched TV..."  
  
"We lied," everyone said at the exact same time.  
  
"Oh..." Talim felt insulted.  
  
"I like The Bachelor and The Bachelorette!" Sophitia brought the conversation back on track, "Finding your soul mate on a TV show is so romantic!"  
  
"Souls?? WHERE!?" Nightmare looked around frantically. Oh... and he now had clothes on. Armour, as always. What he chose to wear under it this time... well, that's his secret.  
  
"Soul MATES, genius." Sophitia rolled her eyes.  
  
Nightmare slowly sat down on the couch, "Oh... well... shows like that are totally lacking! I mean... where the deceivedness??"  
  
"Uh... they could all just be a bunch of horny liars," Yunsung answered, "That seems rather deceiving to me. But what do I know?"  
  
Mina rolled her eyes, "Nothing..."  
  
"It's a rhetorical question, Mina."  
  
"That never seems to stop YOU from answering them!" Mina snapped.  
  
Yunsung shrugged, "Fair enough."  
  
"Do you know what has lies AND romance??" Cassandra then answered without waiting for reply, "Joe Millionaire!!"  
  
"That's kind of lost its spark with me," Sophitia said. "I mean... there are only so many seasons it can manage to live for before they run out of countries who haven't heard of it."  
  
Kilik sighed, "I think that all reality shows are lame. Could they be any FURTHER from REALITY??"  
  
"Hya, yaaaaa, hya hya!" Link shouted.  
  
"OK, OK. The Amazing Race is pretty cool."  
  
Namika, who had been sitting just outside of her room scribbling things in a notebook, finally spoke up, "All right, people! I think that your comments have confused enough readers for now..."  
  
"Readers?"  
  
"Yeah. People reading this chapter."  
  
"Chapter??"  
  
Namika realized that they didn't know about the fact that this is a story, "... um... of our LIVES!" she then clapped her hands twice, "Now... off to bed with you all! I'll explain why you're all here tomorrow. So, as I said... to bed! HA!! It rhymes! Ahem... there's limited room in this castle, so you all have to pair up and share rooms..."  
  
"I call staying with-" all of the warriors began.  
  
"... with people whom I have previously chosen!" Namika smirked. The warriors groaned, fearing who they'd have to share their room with. "It won't be that bad!" Namika assured, "I took your interests into considering when I chose your roommates. Now Assassin shall lead you to your rooms!"  
  
Assassin nodded in understanding, "Come on, kids and people-older-than-me! Let's move!" everyone followed Assassin to their chosen rooms...  
  
---In the middle of the night---  
  
Kilik awoke and glanced at the clock in his room. "Twelve o'clock... perfect. Everyone should be sleeping now," he figured, "Hey! Maxi!" Kilik looked over at the other bed in the room. Empty. "That's weird," he shrugged, "Oh well. I'll have to go and get Xianghua..."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Kilik cracked open Xianghua's door, "Pst! Xianghua..." Xianghua moaned and turned over, ignoring Kilik. He sighed and looked over at the other bed in the room. Talim was fast asleep. "Xianghua!" he said louder. The girl reluctantly sat up and glared evilly at Kilik. "Sorry for waking you up..."  
  
"You damn well better be," Xianghua frowned.  
  
"I am. Now... I don't trust this 'Namika' girl... I think that we should try to find some incriminating evidence about her!" Kilik suggested.  
  
Xianghua groaned, "You say that about everyone..."  
  
*~*~* Random Flashback *~*~*  
  
"I'm telling you, Xianghua. He isn't trustworthy!" Kilik glanced at Maxi, who was combing his hair back, in a Greaser-like fashion. "We need to find some incriminating evidence!"  
  
"Kilik... why the hell are you telling ME this?? You've been travelling with him even more than you have with me..."  
  
*~*~* End Random Flashback *~*~*  
  
"But I really believe it this time!" Kilik insisted.  
  
"I'm going back to sleep," Xianghua lay back down and pulled the covers over her head.  
  
"Fine! But I'm still going to look!" and with that, Kilik stormed off.  
  
---Meanwhile, with the missing pirate...---  
  
Maxi snuck through the hallways, clearing searching for something. "Where is he?" he asked himself. Suddenly, footsteps were heard approaching! "Aha!" Maxi quickly hid behind the television.  
  
The footsteps grew nearer... and nearer... and nearer... and... Gasp! The footsteps were that of Raphael! "Late night comedy..." Raphael turned on the TV, "Is there nothing better?" Maxi raised a peculiar eyebrow, but remained silent. Raphael laughed to himself, "Ah... who comes up with these situations.  
  
Maxi thinks... 'Raphael actually likes comedy and stupid things on TV?! WHAT HAS THE WORLD COME TO?!?!"  
  
Maxi mutters... "Hypocrite..." and proceeds sneaking through the hallway.  
  
---As for Kilik...---  
  
"There has to be some room that tells me something more about this Namika..." Kilik turned to a door with a fancy sign that read 'Your Almighty Leader, Namika's, Room'. "Well... let's have a look..." Kilik opened the door and looked around. Namika was fast asleep, so Kilik felt it was safe to enter. There was nothing interesting in her room, though. Well... maybe that was inaccurate... there was nothing incriminating in her room. That's better. Kilik sighed and left the room to continue looking.  
  
"If only I could find a room with a sign that said 'Namika's Room of Incriminating Evidence'..." his eyes wandered to a sign that read 'Namika's Sanctuary – Keep Out! – Contents may be Incriminating...'. Kilik blinked. "Eh... close enough," he entered the room.  
  
---Maxi! Maxi! Max-I!!---  
  
Footsteps were heard again; these ones were even heavier. "That HAS to be him!" Maxi concluded.  
  
Two Assassins then came into view... one was balancing on the other's shoulders. "Come on!" the first one said, "... hurry up! We HAVE to get them before Master Namika hears us!"  
  
Maxi stared blankly, "Uh..."  
  
"You try to balance an exact duplicate of yourself on your shoulders!" the second Assassin snapped.  
  
"Just go!" the first Assassin commanded, "If you drop me now, we'll never get those cookies!!"  
  
Maxi tilted his head, "...Cookies...?"  
  
"I don't even get how Namika can reach the cookies on that high shelf!" Assassin number two commented.  
  
"Shut up and walk!" Assassin number one kicked Assassin number two on the side.  
  
"OW!!"  
  
"Ssh!"  
  
Maxi resisted the urge to comment and just shifted away. "Man... strange things are afoot at night around here..."  
  
---What about the 'Roomies'??---  
  
"Did you hear something??" Mina asked while remaining alert to any other sounds that may enter her ears. Uh... besides the reply, of course. I mean... she was listening for that, too, but... never mind.  
  
"I'm asleep. Can't answer now..." Yunsung mumbled.  
  
"But you just answered me!!"  
  
Yunsung turned onto his side, "So? I'm listening to you in my sleep..."  
  
Mina's eye twitched, "Nooo... you're being irritating!!" she picked up one of her boots that were beside her bed and whipped it at Yunsung.  
  
"OW!! BITCH!!!!" he shouted.  
  
{Bitch... itch... itch... ch... ch...} ((A/N: That was the echo.))  
  
---In another room---  
  
Cassandra lay awake with her eyes wide, "Oh my gods!! The echo is dissing me!!! Sis!! SIS!!"  
  
"It's not dissing you..." assured Sophitia.  
  
"Then who is it dissing??"  
  
"Well..."  
  
---Yet another room---  
  
"Ack!! Someone just called me a bitch!!" ...someone squealed in a high- pitched voice.  
  
Ivy sighed, "You're pathetic, father."  
  
That's right. It was Cervantes. "But... but... but they called me a bitch!!"  
  
---Enough of that. To Kilik!---  
  
"What is all of this stuff?" Kilik asked himself as he scanned Namika's Sanctuary. "Let's see... some... 'manga'? And... DVDs called 'X'?? Is that some type of porn?! Uh... am I talking to myself?? Whatever... some random drawings and various papers that say... 'Heart Kurama heart'... what the-? And finally... a... picture of Raphael in DRAG!? This isn't incriminating at all! It's... creepy..." Kilik shuddered, before noticing one last item in the room. "'The Sacred Tales of... Subaru's Walking Adventures'!? Who the hell is Subaru!? Let's see this..." as Kilik reached toward the notebook marked with this title, he stopped. "Wait a second... 'Touch this and die!!'" he raised an eyebrow, "That crazy freak is actually threatening random people? Pft! I'm not scared of her..." Kilik grabbed the notebook when all of a sudden the floor below him disappeared and he plummeted down a laundry chute! You heard me... laundry chute!! "AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
---In da rooms, yo!---  
  
"Glasha ba satcha ga lasha ma gah! Glasha ba satcha ga laaaash!" Voldo chanted with somewhat of a rhythm... what could he be singi-  
  
"You take one down and pass it around..." Yoshimitsu joined in. Oh. I get it.  
  
"Vlasha ba satcha ga lasha ma gah!!"  
  
... that just wasn't right.  
  
---Other room---  
  
"Did you hear someone scream?" asked Mitsurugi.  
  
"I can't hear anything over this racket!!" Raphael complained while poking the ceiling with a broom. ((A/N: Voldo and Yoshimitsu are above them. Oh, and Raphael was back from his late night comedy))  
  
Mitsurugi sighed, "Stuck-up Frenchman..."  
  
---OK, now for Maxi---  
  
Our not-so-hero wasn't having much luck finding... erm... whoever he was looking for... until he heavy super-heavy-footsteps-of-DOOM!! "That's GOTTA me him!"  
  
"Can't sleep..." mumbled Astaroth as he walked down the hallway. "Nocturnal worms."  
  
"Yup, I knew it." Maxi nodded, confirming Astaroth's identity. "BOO!!" he shouted as he jumped onto the golem's back.  
  
"AH!!!!!!!!!" Astaroth bucked like a bronco trying to get Maxi off of him.  
  
Xianghua walked out of her room and glared at Maxi, "Argh!! Maxi!! Why do you always do this!?"  
  
"Because I have a grudge, and I need to get rid of it!"  
  
"That's nice... but I wasn't done my questions. This one is more important; Why must everyone interrupt my beauty sleep!?"  
  
"Do you really want me to answer that question?" Yunsung joined in from his doorway.  
  
"NO!!" everyone warrior whom had woken up objected.  
  
Taki tapped her foot impatiently, "Listen, pirate! Grudges are acceptable... but don't take care of them when we're all trying to SLEEP!! Or else..."  
  
"Why? Should I fear you??" Maxi taunted.  
  
"Yes."  
  
.....Long silence.....  
  
"All right, guys. Just... go back to sleep," said Namika.  
  
"Will do!" grinned Necrid as he returned to his room, along with the others who were mumbling things to themselves.  
  
***The Next Morning***  
  
Some of the warriors were still asleep... but unfortunately for Nightmare, Necrid, Astaroth, Cervantes, Ivy, Charade, Yoshimitsu and Taki... they woke up just in time for Namika and Talim's duet of the Arthur theme song.  
  
"Every day when you're walking down the street, everybody that you meet, has an original point of view! And I say HEY, hey! What a wonderful kind of day, where we can learn to work and play, and get along with each other..."  
  
"Does this damned song never END!?" Ivy screeched.  
  
"You got to listen to your heart, listen to the beat, listen to the rhythm, the rhythm of the street. Open up your eyes, open up your ears. Get together and make things better, by working together!"  
  
"Can I kill them??" Taki asked no one in particular, "PLEASE say that I can kill them!!"  
  
"Please do, Taki... please do," pleaded Yoshimitsu.  
  
"It's a simple message, and it comes from the heart... oh believe in yourself, for that's the place to start! And I say HEY, hey! What a wonderful kind of day, where we can learn to work and play, and get along with each other..."  
  
Charade closed his eye and covered his non-existent ears, while Nightmare... danced!? "Are you INSANE!?" Astaroth exclaimed.  
  
Nightmare smiled eerily, "I thought that answer was self-explanatory..."  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"EXACTLY!!"  
  
"Hey! What a wonderful kind of day... Hey! What a wonderful kind of day... HEY!!" Namika and Talim completed.  
  
The other warriors sighed in relief, except for Cervantes who joined in, "Hey! D.W.!!"  
  
"Hey!!" shouted Namika and Talim, in context with the Arthur opening, of course.  
  
"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAA!! Oof!!" thus, Cervantes completed the song as Ivy hung her head in shame for her father.  
  
"Cervantes... how did you know that ending?" asked Necrid.  
  
"I have my ways..." Cervantes casually leaned back. Everyone looked at him oddly as the previously sleeping characters walked down the hallway. "I heard all of that preposterous singing!!" complained Raphael.  
  
Maxi couldn't resist saying, "Says the one who SECRETLY love late night comedy."  
  
"Eek!! Who told you!?"  
  
"I witnessed it, myself!"  
  
"Nooooooo!!!!!"  
  
"Anyway..." Mina brought the conversation to... a purpose, "Now that we're all up... Namika, please explain what's going on."  
  
"Yeah! Why are we here??" Yunsung asked.  
  
Namika rolled her eyes, "OK, OK! Keep your shirt on! Well... Yunsung doesn't have to if he doesn't want to."  
  
"Erm... I do."  
  
"Damn! Anyway... here's the deal – I don't know."  
  
"WHAT!?"  
  
"I don't know why you're here. Well... not totally anyway. You see... the Ferry Man..."  
  
"What about him?" Sophitia urged her to continue.  
  
"It's his fault that you're here."  
  
"Tell us something that we DON'T know!" said Yunsung.  
  
"I bet that you didn't know that I know your height, weight, blood type, birthdaye, family, discipline, weapon/weapon name and past by heart, Yunsung!" Namika smiled triumphantly.  
  
"That's... kind of creepy..."  
  
Hearts filled Namika's eyes anime-style.  
  
"That's... also creepy..."  
  
"Namika!!" Mina waved her hand in front of Namika's face, "Snap out of it!!"  
  
Namika shook her head to return to normal, "Ahem! Sorry about that... As I was saying, the Ferry Man left you here. BUT, to find out their identity and why they left you here, you must past a series of test-thingies..."  
  
"Hya, ya??" Link asked.  
  
Everyone awaited a translation... but it never came!!  
  
"...where's Kilik?" Cassandra looked around blankly.  
  
"Oh crap!!" exclaimed Xianghua, "He went to find something to prove that Namika is against us!!"  
  
"WHAT!?" Namika screamed, "That idiot!! You had all better hope that he didn't touch Subaru's Walking Adventures!!"  
  
Blank stares.  
  
"... just follow me, you fools!!"  
  
And so the warriors followed Namika to find what the hell had happened to Kilik... and no, he isn't dead!  
  
*~* End of Chapter 6 *~*  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Well, Kilik's Peril has begun... hooray!! Now, to peoples...  
  
To Sea Wolf – So... as I said, Kilik is getting into peril! ^^ And... I've never heard of Guilty Gear, but I visited your Kilik site!! It rocks!  
  
To Bakuraluver4ever - *shifts away*  
  
To Xenomina – Well, if I do put you in, it won't be for a while... (I have a lot of previously-written chapters that I must change the formats of...)  
  
To Some Mabas Guy – I WISH Nightmare would wear a pink, frilly dress shirt!! Heh... that'd be awesome. XD But, alas, he's wearing armour again. And huzzah for Ocarina of Time!! WHOO!!  
  
To Lady Manson – Ow!! I'm whackethed!! o.0 *thinks* (Whackethed?? AH!! I'm talking Shakespearean!!))  
  
To Lady-Drakin – All I can say is: You and your slash fictions... for shame... *runs off to Yu Yu Hakusho section to read some fun yaoi* (Random person: Hypocrite!!)  
  
Until next time, fare thee well and wish me good luck of regaining my health!! And... don't ask about Subaru's Walking Adventures. XD I am just a very sad person who has too much time of their hands and enjoys poking fun at the fact that an entire episode of X consisted of Subaru walking and hallucinating. 


	7. Kilik's Peril

Sorry for the delay in updates, readers! I've been lazy... and busy... but mainly lazy... but also busy. Ah, never mind! Now... for those of you who read the original version of Warrior Island, this is like an extra (LONG) chapter that never existed before! WHOO!!  
  
Disclaimer: Take a wild guess. I don't own the Soul Calibur peoples nor anything else...  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Warrior Island  
  
*~* Chapter 'X' – Kilik's Peril *~*  
  
"Ow... my head..." Kilik sat up and rubbed his head. He was previously unconscious. That's what happens when you plummet down a laundry chute... "What happened? Maxi?" suddenly he came to the realization that... "Where the hell am I!?!?" ...he didn't know where he was. "This isn't the room I was in!? This is some kind of torture chamber!!"  
  
Looking around the 'torture chamber', it was nothing more than a small room... with nothing in it. Wow... what torture. (Insert sarcasm here)  
  
"Hey, genius!" Namika's voice echoed through the room.  
  
"What the- Where are you??" Kilik looked around, searching for the source of the voice.  
  
"How DARE you touch my Subaru's Walking Adventures?! Now... you will face the consequences!"  
  
A random mango flew out of a random place and hit Kilik in the back of the head. "OW!! I mean... wow! A mango!" a smile crossed his face as he bit into the fruity fruit of fruitilicious goodness.  
  
"Feel the wrath of the mango!!" the voice continued, "Now you'll spend the rest of your LIFE in this dungeon!! Or... at least a couple of hours 'til we realize you're gone... whoever you are..." Kilik raised an eyebrow in confusion. "This... is a recording."  
  
"Oh. I get it. It wasn't really her," he shrugged and took another bite of his consoling mango.  
  
---With the Others---  
  
"Where are you leading us?" Necrid asked as the warriors continued following Namika.  
  
"Here!" she said, opening the door reading 'Namika's Sanctuary – Keep Out! – Contents may be Incriminating...' "Oh, you've GOT to be kidding me!!" she whined after noticing the apparent laundry chute on the ground, and that her 'Subaru's Walking Adventures' were missing.  
  
Xianghua walked over to the laundry chute and knelt by it, "Kilik!! Are you down there!?" she called.  
  
---With Kilik---  
  
Kilik didn't take any notice to Xianghua's shouts, for he was dancing around and singing, "Mango, mango man!! I want to be... a mang- Hic!" O'boy... he was drunk on mango. Only Kilik could manage that.  
  
---With the Others---  
  
"Uh... did anyone else hear that?" Cervantes asked.  
  
It was silent for a moment as everyone pondered how to answer that... "Nnno," they all decided.  
  
Cervantes blinked, "You're all just saying that to avoid the conversation, aren't you?"  
  
"...yes."  
  
"Well..." Xianghua tapped her foot impatiently, "HOW do we get him out of there!?"  
  
"He has to get himself out," Namika replied.  
  
"Why!?" Xianghua screamed.  
  
Maxi offered his advice, "Couldn't we just lower a rope int-"  
  
"NO!" Namika cut him off, "He has to get out himSELF!"  
  
"OK..." Maxi agreed, scratching his head in confusion, "...I still don't understand why we can't just help him."  
  
Namika smirked, "Because it's more fun this way." The warriors all sighed with expressions of frustration on their faces. "Now... Kilik must go through several stages and-"  
  
"Why the hell are you telling US this?" Yunsung broke in.  
  
"Damnit! Don't question my authority!!" Namika shook an intimidating fist at Yunsung. "Ahem... as I was saying... he must go through several stages and eventually find his way and then answer a question of wits and a new doorway will open and he'll ride an escalator and then fall down a story or so into the living room. Got that?"  
  
..... Dead silence ......  
  
"Good!" Namika beamed, "Let the games begin!" she first pulled out a TV remote out of nowhere and turned on a TV... uh... that appeared out of nowhere... Kilik was seen on the TV. And then Namika pressed a random button that randomly appeared on the wall and Kilik's Peril began!  
  
---Back with Kilik---  
  
Kilik stared drunkenly at one wall of the chamber that was magically moving aside, revealing a new passageway. Suddenly Namika's voice recording played again... but this one was different, "All right, genius! (Insert sarcasm here) You made the mistake of touching my comics, and that will be forgiven IF and only IF you can get through... the trials of DEMISE!! Ha!! I bet that you thought I was going to say 'doom'! EH?? Anyway... carry on! This... was a recording."  
  
"...wow," Kilik looked at the passageway, "There's a hole in that wall... I want to go in it!!" he stumbled over to the dungeon-ish tunnel and entered... the room was empty (Surprise, surprise). Kilik looked around, "Wait! I GET it!!" he paused, "... I THINK that I should have paid attention to that hellly(Opposite of heavenly) recording!!"  
  
---For the sake of randomness, back to the others!---  
  
Xianghua and Maxi were watching the TV nervously... and they were the only ones. Everyone else could care less since everything happening was being taped! Why watch it now when you can just watch it on a tape later? Answer THAT Mr. Einstein! Ahem... Namika was randomly jumping on a couch while singing, "We're spinning out of control! Out of control! Where should I go? What should I do? I don't understand what you want from me! 'Cause I don't know... if I can trust y- OW!! Who threw a plant at me!? Eh... wait a second... what kind of plant is this? POISON IVY!!!!" and then she ran out of the room.  
  
((A/N: The song that I- er... Namika was singing is "Out of Control" by Hoobastank. I don't own it... obviously, you disclaiming fools!!))  
  
Of course, the only person who even knew what was going on with her was the one who threw the poison ivy at her... Yunsung. The oblivious Ivy looked around blankly, "Did she say something about me? Was it an insult!?"  
  
"Yes," Taki answered without paying attention.  
  
"WHAT?! That little futuristic bitch!!" Ivy ran out of the room after Namika.  
  
"Will you guys SHUT UP!?" Xianghua screamed, "Something's happening!!"  
  
And the television spoke... in a deep, manly, announcer voice, "Obstacle number one... HALLWAY OF EVIIIIL!!!!" the words 'Hallway of Evil' appeared on the bottom of the TV screen in big, shiny letters!  
  
"Hallway of Evil?" Maxi repeated, "...what kind of evil?"  
  
---Good question, Maxi. Let's see...---  
  
"Oh my gosh! Who's that, like, hunkalicious guy??" a teenage girl - wearing a cheap-ass school uniform - said in a preppy accent ((A/N: You heard me. They have their own accent.))  
  
"Like, I don't know..." said another, "How can he be here? This is, like, an all-girl's school."  
  
"Who cares!?" exclaimed a third, "He's hot! Let's, like, take advantage of this... um... like... time... thing..."  
  
"Opportunity?"  
  
"Like, that's it!" Number-3 ((A/N: Their names are numbers, OK??)) proclaimed triumphantly, "Now, like... let's hit it on him."  
  
"OK!!" Number-1 and 2 agreed in union.  
  
---Momentary Return to Others---  
  
"He's going to be torn limb-from-limb by fangirls!!" Xianghua shrieked.  
  
Maxi shrugged, "He's been through worse..."  
  
*~* Random Flashback *~*  
  
Kilik is standing in front of a cliff that leads down to a shark-infested body of water... He is surrounded by Nightmare, a rabid raccoon and a man- eating plant. "Listen, guys! I'm really sorry! I swear... I didn't know that you were planning on eating that bagel! I..." they all lunge at Kilik. "AAAAAAAH!!!!"  
  
*~* End Random Flashback *~*  
  
"...That never happened... did it, Maxi?"  
  
"Nah, but it's fun to recount these things."  
  
---Back to Kilik---  
  
Well, picture that random flashback of Maxi's again... except replace those surrounding him with three crazy teenage highschool girls. Oh... and there's no cliff... but there's a biology lab! Ahem... "Hello, ladies," he took another bite of his mango, "How are y- HIC!!"  
  
Number-2 tilted her head, "Like... have you been drinking, Cutie?"  
  
"It's Kilik. Kiiiiiliiiiiiiik!!"  
  
Number-1 giggled, "I'd loooove to 'get to know you better' KiLIK." The other girls broke into a fit of giggles as well.  
  
"...I don't get it," Kilik's drunken tone clearly heard.  
  
"So innocent..." Number-3 walked over to Kilik and ran a finger along his chest, "...I like that."  
  
Kilik's eyes widened and he stepped back, dropping his mango, "Wait, WAIT!! You're coming onto me!!"  
  
Number-3 smiled seductively, "Of course we are. We're nothing but a group of single girls isolated from the world of males... what else can you expect from us?"  
  
"Not THIS!!" Kilik turned and ran for his dear, sweet life... but on the way he stepped on his mango, causing mango-juice to gush from it and land on Number-1's shoes!  
  
"ACK!! My shoes!! I, like, JUST had these shined and stuff. NOT cool!" she whined. The other two girls crowded around her.  
  
Number-2 gasped, "Oh my gosh! They were, like, SO young!"  
  
While the girls mourned the... erm... 'loss' of Number-1's shoes(SCHOOL shoes, I might add), Kilik managed to escape to the second trial...  
  
---Everyone Else---  
  
Xianghua's mouth was hanging open in shock, "Did that slut hit on Kilik!?!?"  
  
"Yup," Maxi answered calmly.  
  
"AUGH!! I can't believe this!!" Xianghua jumped to her feet and paced back- and-forth.  
  
Maxi raised an eyebrow, "What does it matter? He rejected her and... I mean... so what? It's not as if you- Wait a minute! You want Kilik!!"  
  
"WHAT?! I never said that!!" Xianghua stopped pacing and shot Maxi a warning glance, "You're making things up! Kilik's my friend and I worry about him, OK!? That's all that there is to it! Stop looking at me!! STOP IT!! There's nothing going on! STOP ACCUSING ME!!!!!!"  
  
................... Every head in the room turned to Xianghua. Their curious eyes staring deeper into her soul... watching her face grow red from both embarrassment and... well... screaming her head off. Xianghua turned her head away, trying to avoid the piercing gazes... Suddenly, everyone came to a conclusion... a huge conclusion... they all gasped in unison and chorused, "You love Kilik!!!!"  
  
"I... I never... you... I... Shut up!!"  
  
"She didn't deny it!" observed Mitsurugi, "It's true! It's true!!"  
  
Raphael rolled his eyes, "Well, obviously."  
  
Mitsurugi growled, "You want to make something of it?"  
  
"Yes," the arrogant Frenchman smirked. Mitsurugi then spontaneously tackled Raphael. "AAAH!! Get off of me, you-" Charade then decided jumped on top of the fallen warriors. "Fools!!"  
  
"Hey, guys... that weird voice is saying something again!" Mina announced to the others. Everyone gathered around the television and listened to that manly, announcer voice...  
  
"Trial one has been completed... impressive, indeed. Now, it is time to move on to... THE INFINITE DARKNESS!!"  
  
---And what could this one be?---  
  
"Oh my God!! This darkness is endless!!" Kilik hollered through *in deep voice* The Infinite Darkness... Mwahahahahaha!! Cough, cough! Only his own echo replied to his calls in this desolate zone of no return. "Is this my fate? To wander alone in this shroud of evil for all of eternity? To squabble with my own echo as I gradually lose all of the sanity left in me? To die slowly and painfully as my stomach results in devouring itself to keep from horrid starvation? IS THIS MY FATE-ATE-ate-te-e...!?"  
  
A lonely sigh was heard from a far corner of the room, "Yes... your fate is the same as mine... loneliness... pain... and lastly... death."  
  
Kilik looked around the room, "Uhm... you're dead?"  
  
"Yes... I failed her test..."  
  
"So you touched the comics too, eh?" Kilik figured.  
  
"Biggest mistake I ever made."  
  
---For the fun of it... the others---  
  
Xianghua was about an inch from the television screen, desperately trying to find Kilik, "What the hell?! Why can't I see him!?"  
  
"You're blinded by looooove," Cervantes teased. Xianghua snarled and punched Cervantes' arm... hard. "OW! IVY!! Xianghua hurt meeee!!" Silence. "Hey, where'd my daughter go?"  
  
"She was chasing Namika," replied Cassandra.  
  
Sophitia added, "Something about being insulted... I dunno."  
  
"Poison ivy," Yunsung explained, "I threw poison ivy at Namika to shut her up... of course when Ivy heard her 'name', she assumed it was an insult and went to kick her ass."  
  
Talim looked at Yunsung with her big, innocent eyes, "Doesn't that seem a little too harsh a punishment? I mean... Namika was only having fun."  
  
"...no," Yunsung answered without being fazed.  
  
"Grashvalaaa??" Voldo asked.  
  
"That's a good question... are we missing a cat fight??" Yoshimitsu translated.  
  
"Most likely."  
  
Yoshmitsu suddenly leapt to his feet, "Then we must go!" he jumped onto Voldo's back, used his little semi-teleportation-dealy and vanished.  
  
"Desperate bastards!!" Mina shouted after them.  
  
---OK... Kilik---  
  
"Is there any way that you can help me find a way out of this room?" Kilik asked, "I just want to get back... this place is creepy. Highschool girls and the darkness... my biggest fears..."  
  
Suddenly music randomly plays in the background, "I believe in a thing called love! Just listen to the rhythm of my heart..."  
  
"What the hell?!" Kilik exclaimed.  
  
"It's The Darkness, man. 'I Believe in a Thing Called Love', which The Zelda Master doesn't own. Get with the times," said the dead dude.  
  
Kilik slowly nodded his head, "Uh huh... so can you help me out of here?"  
  
"Probably."  
  
"How?" Kilik then came to the realization that Dvapara-Yuga ((A/N: Er... or however you spell it...)) was glowing with a mystical aura... as though it was reacting to something in the room... it was! "Hey, what's that over there?" Kilik wandered towards the object that glowed with the same aura as Dvapara-Yuga. When he finally arrived, he saw... him! The dead spirit! "Gasp! It's YOU!! Wait... who are you?"  
  
The spirit's face fell, "Just a random person, baka!"  
  
"Wait... baka?" Kilik asked, dumbfounded.  
  
The spirit rolled his eyes, "Chinese idiot..."  
  
"HEY!!" Kilik began to object, before being cut off...  
  
"Never mind. Hey, listen. There's a reason that I led you here," the spirit pointed beside him, "This... is a door. Use it."  
  
"Wow! A door!!" Kilik said excitedly, running through it.  
  
"Hey, WAIT!! I'm coming, too! I want to get out of here!!" spirit flew after him. ((A/N: Yes, flew.))  
  
---With the others---  
  
Xianghua and Maxi jumped up-and-down, "Yay, yay, yay!! He made it! He made it!!" they shouted gleefully.  
  
"Hooray, hooray," the other warriors muttered without any emotion.  
  
The door of 'Namika's sanctuary' flew open and Namika stumbled in and collapsed to the ground, "Ow..."  
  
Ivy smirked in the doorway, "That'll teach you to insult me."  
  
"For the last time – I DIDN'T INSULT YOU!!" Namika screamed on the top of her – collapsed – lungs.  
  
Ivy brushed a strand of hair from in front of her face, "Yes, of course. 'Didn't'."  
  
"Why I ought to..." Namika started to get up, but Talim stepped in front of her.  
  
"Stop this! There is no need to fight!" she insisted, "Please... let's just calm down and-"  
  
"Let them fight. It's funny!" Astaroth declared.  
  
Talim sighed, "Astaroth, please..."  
  
"Whatever," Namika murmured to herself, "How's Kilik doing?"  
  
"Just entering trial number three," Taki replied.  
  
"Cool," Namika sat down in front of the television, "This shall be fun..."  
  
The manly, announcer voice spoke once again, "Final trial: PIG STY!!"  
  
---Kilik-ness---  
  
"So, you say your name is Saiki?" Kilik asked.  
  
"Yes, damnit! For the seventh time!!" the spirit replied fiercely.  
  
Kilik nodded in understanding, "I see... and you're from...?"  
  
"Japan!!" Saiki gritted his spiritual teeth. ((A/N: o_0))  
  
"And you're here because...?"  
  
"I tripped on a rock, hit my head on a tree and woke up on this island!"  
  
Kilik nodded again, "That's interesting..."  
  
"Hey, Kilik..." Saiki started to say.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Look down."  
  
"Huh?" Kilik looked down and saw that he was knee-deep in a pit of mud, "AH!!" he made an effort to escape, but it was no use. He couldn't move. "Oh, crap!! Can't... move..." Kilik continued struggling for his freedom without any luck... "Saiki!! A little help here!!" he commanded, reaching for the phantom.  
  
Saiki shook his head slowly, "I can't help you out, Kilik. You have to escape this room on your own."  
  
"How can I escape it?! I'm completely immobilized and- OW!!" Kilik quickly looked down and saw a rabid hog snarling at him, "AND there are pigs headbutting me!! OW!! Stop that!" he swung at one of the pigs, who simply stepped back, "No fair!! How come THEY can move?!"  
  
"They're pigs," Saiki replied, "The most magical creatures in the world. They can do ANYTHING!"  
  
Kilik then added, "And they taste good! OW!!" another hog charged into him. "That's it!" Kilik reached for the pig and fell face-first into the mud, "Oh, man!" he looked up and saw - through the layer of mud on his face – four pigs sitting in front of him, laughing. "This is ridiculous! Pigs don't laugh!!"  
  
"Concentrate, Kilik!" Saiki directed, "Think... how can you manage to move through the mud like the pigs?"  
  
"Wait... I think I've got it!!"  
  
---HA! The others...---  
  
"Who wants bacon??" Assassin offered as he walked into the room with a large plate of bacon, "Link helped me make it! He's quite handy in the kitchen!"  
  
Link nodded proudly, "Hya."  
  
Namika ran and tackled Assassin, "BACON!!!!!"  
  
"I should've seen this coming..." Assassin mumbled in a half-conscious tone.  
  
"Yum. Bacon," Cassandra walked over to the plate of bacon – which all of the pieces of bacon magically stayed on despite the entire tackle thing – and picked up a slice of the delectable meat, "I've always liked this stuff..." she popped the slice in her mouth.  
  
Yunsung also ate one of the bacon pieces, "Nice cooking, Greeny," he gave Link a thumbs-up.  
  
"Ya, hya!" Link returned the sign of approval.  
  
"How can you guys eat BACON when Kilik's being beaten on by the exact creatures that that food is made from!?" Xianghua shouted.  
  
Maxi looked at his friend, "... do you ever talk in a normal tone anymore?"  
  
"...NO!!"  
  
"Come on, Xianghua. Lighten up. Eat some pig," Sophitia handed her a piece.  
  
Xianghua glared at the bacon, "You bastard pig..."  
  
Necrid finally spoke up, "It should make you feel better to eat the animal that is hurting your friend."  
  
"True enough," and Xianghua placed the sweet, sweet bacon into her mouth, "Man... this stuff is gooooood..."  
  
Maxi blinked a few times and then said, "Somehow, I have a feeling that this isn't going to end well..."  
  
---Back to the live-pig action!---  
  
Kilik stretched, reaching for the pig... and as soon as he saw he chance, he grabbed onto the pig's tail! ((A/N: Poor piggy...)) The pig's eyes widened and it squealed in pain, "SQUEEEAL!! (In pain)" and then he ran... ran as quickly as his little pig legs could take him – which was pretty darn fast, just so you know. Kilik held onto the magical hog until on dry, un-muddy land.  
  
"I'm free!!" Kilik danced around after releasing the pig!! Thank you, little pig!!" he picked up enraged boar and held it in front of him... bad choice. Before Kilik could move on, the pig let him know what he thought by biting Kilik on the nose. "OW!! Son of a bitch!"  
  
"Kilik, you need to study. A female pig isn't a bitch... a female DOG is a bitch," Saiki corrected.  
  
"That's great, Saiki... Now let's get out of this place!!" Kilik quickly recovered from the pig-bite and ran into the next, and final, room.  
  
---One last time, the others---  
  
"He made it!!" Xianghua squealed happily, giving Maxi a big hug, "He's ALIVE!!"  
  
Maxi returned the hug, "Yeah!! Way to go, Kilik!!"  
  
"In your face, pigs!!" after releasing Maxi, she grab a piece of bacon and threw at the TV.  
  
"Hey, HEY!!" Namika shouted, "Let's not waste food here!"  
  
---Enough of that. Kilik still has his Question of Wits---  
  
Kilik and Saiki entered an empty room painted completely red. "Holy crap, this is blinding!!" Saiki shielded his phantom eyes, "I've been un-living in a pitch black room for who-knows how long... jeez! Bring to a red room gradually, man!"  
  
"Hey, it's MY castle, MY room, MY choice!"  
  
Saiki looked around with a frightened expression on his face, "N-Namika?"  
  
"Yes, it's me, you idiot!" the voice of Namika answered, "You're really lucky that Kilik was nice enough to let you follow him out... if it were me, I would have left your soul to rot for touching my comics!" Saiki gulped and smiled innocently. "Imbecile... well, anyway... neither of you are free yet until you can answer my question."  
  
"Question?" Kilik and Saiki asked simultaneously.  
  
"Oh, did I say question?" Namika asked sarcastically, "I meant I give you an answer and YOU make up the question." The boys' faces grew hopeful. "Don't kid yourself. I'm asking you a question." They both hung their heads in shame.  
  
Kilik looked up, "All right! I'm ready! Ask away!"  
  
"...What is the Japanese word 'baka' in English?" Namika questioned.  
  
Saiki looked over to Kilik, "Come on, man! BAKA!!"  
  
Kilik thought to himself, 'Oh, man... how the hell should I- WAIT!!' his face perked up, "Idiot!!"  
  
"YES!!" Saiki exclaimed.  
  
"...what Saiki said," Namika made the results official, "Now go... ride the escalator, my friend and Saiki!"  
  
Saiki frowned, "Thanks, Namika..."  
  
"Any time! Now... I'm gone!" and thus, she was gone.  
  
"We're free, Saiki! Come on!" Kilik dashed towards the escalator with Saiki following close behind...  
  
---Fine... ONE more of the Others...---  
  
"Hee hee hee hee hee hee hee!!"  
  
"Xianghua's going insane."  
  
"Yup."  
  
*~* End of Chapter X... *~*  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
@_@ That was longer than I expected... my fingers... they're happy! *readers look at Namika funny* Yeah, OK, anyway... please review and tell me what you thought! ^^ It shouldn't take me as long to post the next chapter since I don't have to actually write anything new... just fix the next chapter! Anyhoo... here is what I say to YOU!  
  
To Sea Wolf – He had mangoes! ^^ Of course... he dropped his mango around the fangirls. *sniffle* How tragic...  
  
To Spider-bear – Shocking indeed, eh? Raphael has many unknown secrets... Mwahahahahahaha!!  
  
To Xingy – I was TEMPTED to put Yunsung in a room with me- er... Namika... but no. ^^;  
  
To Sokol/Gos-Hawk – Glad you're enjoying it! ^^ Kilik made it out of the laundry chute alive! Huzzah!  
  
To Damsel in Distress – Slight pairings... but romance isn't a huge thing. You can see a little Kilik/Xianghua going on.  
  
To Lady-Drakin – I wonder how long it'll take you to review THIS chapter...  
  
To Lady Mason – Your Sexy Belly-ed Kali-Yuga bearer is safe, my friend! A little traumatized... but safe!  
  
To RubyEye – Well, my favourite SC2 character is rather obviously Yunsung. XD So hot... anyway. I'll be sure to read your fic! ^^ When I have the time, that is.  
  
Until next time... sayonara, bye bye! 


	8. Who Cares? People Care!

I finally beat my brother's record in Extra Arcade mode!! And do you know who I have to thank for it? Hoobastank!! That's right. Listening to Hoobastank made me play better. No more Mitsurugi at the top of the record- dealy, oh no! Now it's Yunsung! XD Er... yeah... the story...  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Soul Calibur II characters, nor Magicka.

* * *

/...Warrior Island.../  
  
[Chapter 7 – Who Cares? People Do!]  
  
The warriors were sitting and waiting for Kilik to recover from his fall from the escalator. The only thing that was really happening at this point was Saiki bidding farewell to his captor, Namika, "Listen, bitch! I don't know what the hell I did to deserve dying in your little dungeon, but I'm hella happy that I'm leaving!" the spirit shouted.  
  
"Good! Go! I'm not complaining, you bassy!" Namika screamed back.  
  
"Bassy, eh!?" Saiki said curiously, "Damn your modern terminology and abbreviations!"  
  
Namika rolled her eyes, "Just ask me to my face – it means 'bastard'!"  
  
"Oh, yeah?"  
  
"YEAH!!"  
  
"Will you two shut up!?" Xianghua screeched, "Kilik's finally coming to!" Everyone turned their attention to Kilik as his eyes opened and he sat up. "Kilik!" Xianghua threw her arms around the fighter, practically suffocating him in her tight embrace. "Kilik, I'm so glad you're all right!!"  
  
Kilik rubbed the back of his head and groaned, "Oh, man... I had the craziest dream... I touched this comic on this weird girl's island and then fell down a hole and wound up going through these creepy trials with a ghost and-" he looked up and noticed Namika and Saiki standing (and floating) right before his eyes, "HOLY CRAP! THEY EXIST!!" Everyone sighed in frustration. "Are you telling me that this all really happened?!" The warriors and company nodded. "I feel faint..."  
  
"No, you do NOT!" Maxi said in a threatening tone.  
  
Kilik's eyes widened, "Yes, sir... I shall not fall unconscious."  
  
"Good!" everyone said in unison.  
  
Saiki floated up towards a window and spoke, "Well, time for me to move on to a REAL afterlife. Later, losers!!" And thus, Saiki was gone.  
  
"...So are you going to tell us why we're here now?" Yunsung asked, looking at Namika.  
  
"Right!" Namika casually sat down on the couch and crossed her legs, folding her hands on her lap. The warriors raised an eyebrow at her... poised stature. "Well, where was I when we last left off? Oh, yes! The Ferry Man left you here! Now, to find out why you must pass a series of test... thingies..." Namika pulled out her random notebook and flipped through it, "Now, these test thingies will be... different and... random and... well, they'll involve stuff like skill, mental power and... teamwork... but most of all – evil."  
  
"Nice..." Necrid said while nodded in a rather triumphant way; earning himself a glare from the 'heroic warriors'.  
  
Sophitia got up from her seat, "Hold on a second! This sounds like some kind of... reality show."  
  
All eyes turned to Namika. "What?!" she exclaimed, "Just because I have an obsession with reality TV, doesn't mean that I'd actually PUT you guys in one!" Conveniently, at that moment several Assassins ran by, carrying a cluster of video equipment. The stares of the warriors insisted. Namika smiled innocently, "Wha-at? I have to watch what you guys are up to, you know!"  
  
"These stunts are necessary? I mean... you can't just TELL us who sent us here and send us on a random boat back home??" asked Mitsurugi.  
  
Namika shook her head, "Nah. That's no fun. Plus, I don't know who dropped you off here!"  
  
Mitsurugi's eye twitched in frustration, "You... don't... know...!?" Namika grinned and backed away from Mitsurugi. "So you're making us do random stunts for your entertainment? You... ARGH!!"  
  
"Yeah, so... any more comments?" Namika questioned. Everyone shook their heads. "Good! Now get going towards your stunts, surprise twists, amusing relationships and MORE! And come the end of this journey-dealy... you shall discover whom it was who left you on this island!" The warriors all nodded their heads slowly and proceeded to shift away from Namika – towards the front door. "I bid you all farewell! ...Especially you, Yunsung!!"  
  
Yunsung sighed, "Of for the love of-"  
  
"Okay, people! No time to waste!" Assassin shouted, "Let's move! I assure you that you will be hearing from Namika again!"  
  
"Damnit!!" Take an educated guess at who said that one. Here's a clue: Namika then winked at him.  
  
Assassin then walked out of the door and the warriors followed him. As they marched, Assassin chanted, "I don't know what I've been told!"  
  
The warriors repeated, "I don't know what I've been told!"  
  
"Namika's gonna kill me if I screw up!"  
  
"Namika's gonna kill me if I screw up!"  
  
"Sound off!" Assassin shouted.  
  
"One, two!!"  
  
Assassin turned back and glared at the warriors, "I said SOUND OFF!! Shut up!!" Our heroes stared at him wide-eyed. "I'm just joshin' you!" Assassin smiled; not that anyone could see... "You can talk!"  
  
Talim stared at Assassin with her big, innocent eyes full of fear, "You're frightening me..."  
  
"I tend to do that."  
  
All of the warriors exhaled loudly in aggravation. Xianghua spoke up, "Where exactly are you taking us?" she asked.  
  
"Well, if you must know..." Assassin began, "We will being going to our very first pit stop!"  
  
Everyone looked at Assassin in confusion, "...pit stop?" they repeated.  
  
"Yes, pit stops!" confirmed the mysterious swordsman, "They're breaks. You go there to find out what the hell you're doing next on the wonderful journey of... I don't even know..."  
  
"Well, I'm not going to deny the fact that that'll be helpful," Kilik muttered under his breath.  
  
Cassandra rolled her eyes, "There better not being any stunts there... because I REALLY don't feel like doing a stunt!" she whined.  
  
"Oh, suck it up, Sis!" Sophitia said.  
  
"Are you calling me..." tears formed in Cassandra's eyes, "FAT!?"  
  
Sophitia groaned, "Not suck it IN! Suck it UP and deal with it!!"  
  
"Oh... I get it!"  
  
Mina looked over to Cassandra and Sophitia, "Could you two please stop saying 'suck' so much?"  
  
"Or just stop talking," suggested Nightmare. Everyone nodded in agreement. "Good. So where is this pit stop?"  
  
Assassin pointed to a nearby beach, "There."  
  
"A beach!!" Ivy exclaimed a tone that was all-too happy for her, "Yay!! Tannage!!"  
  
Cervantes glared at his daughter, "Don't you get enough of a tan walking around in that... skimpy outfit??" he said in disgust.  
  
"Father, I'm a grown woman," Ivy's voice returned to its normal tone, "I can where whatever I want! I will NOT take any advice from you."  
  
"Then perhaps you can at least tell me WHAT you are wearing!" shouted Cervantes.  
  
Yunsung then blurted out, "Not much!"  
  
And the warriors – save Ivy and Cervantes – burst into a fit of laughter. Ivy sighed, "That was an extremely pathetic insult."  
  
"I do not appreciate you saying things like that about my daughter."  
  
Yunsung stopped laughing, "What the hell? You don't ever CARE about her!"  
  
"I'll show you can your smart mouth!!" Cervantes yelled and began chasing Yunsung around with his blades in hand. Yunsung screamed and ran away. "Come back and face me like a MAN!!"  
  
"No!!!"  
  
A smirk crossed Taki's face, "Heh, heh... look at him run."  
  
"Perhaps we should help him..." Talim proposed unsurely.  
  
"Hya!! Ya, ya, shaaaaaa!" responded the Hylian – Link.  
  
Kilik beamed, "Wow! A new sound!!" Everyone stared at him blankly. Kilik then cleared his throat, "Ahe-he-hem... I mean... how many times must we tell you? NO!!" Talim looked down at the ground, ashamed.  
  
All the while, Cervantes was still chasing Yunsung around, "Come on, Yunny! Attack me!!"  
  
Yunsung stopped running and turned to Cervantes, "Did you... just call me... YUNNY!?" he shrieked. "DIE!!" and charged at Cervantes.  
  
Mina laughed to herself, "I knew that nickname would come back to haunt him." She caught the perplexed gazes that the others warriors were giving her, "I'd bug him by calling him that. Back in the day..." she sighed dreamily, "Good times... good times..."  
  
Yunsung pulled out White Storm and skewered the blade through Cervantes' stomach, "There! Can't be breathing now."  
  
Cervantes sneered, "Oh, please! Dead people don't breath! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!"  
  
"Damnit! I forgot that you're already dead..."  
  
The fighters all shook their head at the situation. "You're all ignoring me again!!" Assassin complained.  
  
Astaroth responded, "Sorry about that... worms."  
  
Necrid then faked some enthusiasm to make Assassin feel special, "Won't you please lead us to the beach, oh assassiny one!"  
  
"That's better!" Assassin said triumphantly. "Well, as it would seem... we're already on the beach."  
  
"Oh, hey. Would you look at that," Necrid's voice became monotonous.  
  
"Anyway..." Assassin started, "You guys just stay here while I get the thing that explains the stuff!" No one even bothered to comment on that statement as Assassin when behind a random tree ((A/N: On the beach, yes.)) and pulled out a television.  
  
Raphael's eyes shimmered with an anime-style joy, "Television! My love, we are uni-" The warriors stared at Raphael with wide eyes. "I mean... what are you doing with that ridiculous box?"  
  
"Well..." Assassin said, still a little shocked by Raphael's outburst of... happiness. "Namika will be talking to you through this TV!"  
  
"That girl won't leave us alone!?" yelled Mitsurugi.  
  
"No... no she won't."  
  
Namika's face then appeared on the television, "HIIII!!!" she said with a huge grin on her face – which the warriors responded do with their own classic, frustrated expression. "Why the long faces? You should be excited since selected people here are about to hear from... your loved ones or others who care about you for some reason or other!" The warriors all began to look hopeful. "Yep, yep! Of course, some of you have no one who cares about you! Cough, Cervantes, cough!" A random Assassin appeared on the television screen and whispered something in Namika's ear. "What?! He's the first one who heard from someone!?" she slapped her own forehead, "Aye carumba... roll the tape!"  
  
As the screen temporarily faded into a blurred image, Cervantes sang, "I have a message! I have a message!"  
  
And so, the message begins to play... A teenage boy appeared on the screen, "Hello, Master..." he said unsurely.  
  
"Ah! The young one!"  
  
"Argh! Not Magicka!!" Ivy groaned, "I hate that little freak!"  
  
"And Ivy... I know what you're saying!" Magicka shouted.  
  
"Eek! He can see me!!" Ivy hid behind Maxi as Magicka continued speaking...  
  
"Okay, what to say? For starters... How the hell did you end up on some random entertainment crap on some deserted island!?" he shouted, "It... it's just sad. Sad in a pathetic kind of way! How could YOU end up on that island? YOU!! You're a pirate! One of the best! I mean... look at your hat! It's one of the largest! Everyone knows that people judge pirates by how big their hat is!"  
  
The thought going through everyone's mind was, "...it's so true."  
  
"I wish I could come and rescue you, Master!" Magicka said, "But... but the Ferry Man cannot be found! I don't know where you are, Master! I'm helpless! I'M HELPLESS!!" tears began to stream down his face, "I... have to go..." and Magicka ran off of the screen, sobbing all the way.  
  
Namika's face was now on the television again, "Erm... well... I guess that's all he had to say. And it would appear that he won't be saying too much more for a while."  
  
Cervantes shook his head slowly, "He's helpless without me..."  
  
"We gathered that from the video," murmured Taki.  
  
"Really!?" Mitsurugi exclaimed sarcastically, "I can't image what gave it away."  
  
"I'd say the 'I'M HELPLESS!!' gave it away," Maxi guessed. Everyone else rolled their eyes.  
  
"Okay, next video!" Namika spoke up, "This one is for Mina and Yunsung from the one and only Seung Han Myong! That's right! Mina's father and Yunsung's master."  
  
"Yay!!" Mina said happily, "My father bothered to tape a message!"  
  
Myong then appeared on the television screen, speaking with a producer... who just so happened to be an Assassin. "Let me get this straight... they got sent to a deserted island... and now a fourteen year old is controlling their lives for entertainment!?" The Assassin nodded. "Have I taught them nothing!?!?" he shouted.  
  
Mina and Yunsung both looked terrified, "Uh oh..."  
  
"I am terribly disappointed in both of you!!" he continued to yell, "Can you not SWIM!?" A chuckle was heard from off the screen. "Quiet, Hwang! Now... you two, get off of that island RIGHT NOW!! Especially you, Mina! I don't want you hanging around a bunch of desperate men!" Innocent whistles came from Mitsurugi, Raphael, Nightmare, Yoshimitsu, Maxi, Cervantes and the main Assassin.  
  
Mina looked at them all in horror, "EW!!"  
  
"I'm not desperate," Kilik announced.  
  
"Ya, shiaaaa, hya!"  
  
"Neither is he."  
  
Yunsung held up a hand to Mina, "Not interested."  
  
Myong's voice then interrupted the clarification of who was and wasn't desperate, "Especially when there is a perfectly good man right here in the dojo!" A 'Master, I don't think that...' could faintly be heard from off the screen. "I said quiet, Hwang!!"  
  
"Oh for the love of..." Mina muttered under her breath, "Stupid Hwang."  
  
Myong continued... "And you, Yunsung! Is THIS how I trained you!? Some pansy-ass who can't escape an island!? It's SAD!! PATHETIC!! Get back here, NOW!!" and thus, he stormed off of the screen.  
  
Before Namika returned to the television, Hwang came on screen and gave Mina and Yunsung a fake thumbs-up, "Good luck, geniuses!" and walked off.  
  
"We're so dead..." Mina and Yunsung said in unison.  
  
Namika came back on the television, "Note how every person who recorded a message mentions how 'sad' and 'pathetic' you all are."  
  
"Duly noted," said Yoshimitsu.  
  
"Riiiight..." said Namika, "Anyway, here comes the final message from..."  
  
"My husband, my husband..." wished Sophitia.  
  
"Father, Father..." imagined Talim.  
  
Charade crossed his fingers and thought, 'Someone... someone..."  
  
"...Raphael's foster child!" Namika announced.  
  
"Amy...?" Raphael said in disbelief.  
  
"Yeah, that's the one!"  
  
Tears formed in Raphael's eyes, "Amy...?"  
  
"Yeah," Namika repeated, trying to keep from losing her mind, "Amy! Your daughter-person!"  
  
"AMY!!!!!!!!!!!!" Raphael shouted. Namika stared wide-eyed. Waterfalls of tears were falling along Raphael's face, "Amy, Amy, Amy!!!!"  
  
"Er... here's the tape..." Namika said with a raised eyebrow as she disappeared from sight.  
  
Amy appeared on the television, and Raphael sniffled. "Vous..." she began speaking in French, "...m'effrayez. La seule raison pour laquelle je vous ai sauvé... c'était parce que j'avais peur que si j'étais honnête avec le policier, vous me tueriez. Maintenant... je pars!!" and she ran out of view, leaving the warriors in the dark.  
  
Namika came back to the TV again... again. "Allow me to translate! 'You scare me. The only reason I saved you is because I was scared that if I were honest with the police officer, you'd kill me. Now I'm leaving!' And she did so."  
  
Raphael's tears changed from joy to grief, "Amy... she... left... me... MERDE!!" he screamed at the top of his lungs.  
  
There was a long silence after that. Partially because of the drama of the moment... and partially because of the fact that no one knew what the hell he just said. Namika smiled innocently, "Uh... censored!!"  
  
........the crickets chirped........  
  
"I thought I killed those crickets..." Necrid whispered to himself.  
  
"They never die," Taki commented, "They're like Cervantes." A maniacal and taunting laughter escaped the undead pirate.  
  
"All right!" Namika said, returning to her cheerful demeanour. "Take a break and I'll explain your first stunt! Oh, and eventually I'll let more of you hear from your loved ones! Yeah, I lied about only talking to many."  
  
[End of Chapter 7]

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I am SO sorry that it took me forever to update! I just really haven't been inspired... but look! I updated!! -innocent smile- Well, I'd respond to reviews... but bah. I'll do it next chapter. XD But to update, I WILL be relying on Lady-Drakin to provoke me and remind me! –points to Lady-Drakin- Got that? Remind me to update more often!! Until next time: Sayonara! 


	9. Surfs Up!

My deepest apologies that it took me so much time to update this story... I've been busy with my Yu Yu Hakusho fic... and life. Yeah, life involved time, as well. But enough about WHY I didn't update, I shall just get to the update!  
  
Disclaimer: I do own any of the characters from the Calibur of Soul... er... Soul Calibur.

* * *

Warrior Island  
  
Chapter 8 – Surfs Up!  
  
The warriors are all lounging on the beach... catching a few z's, getting a tan, practicing their fighting skills, or... being a little annoyance. "Oh my God!!" Xianghua suddenly exclaimed, causing all of the warriors to turn their heads towards the skilled swordswoman.  
  
"What!?" they all shouted nervously, glancing around for anything out of the ordinary.  
  
Xianghua held her hand to her mouth in horror, "SHARK!!" No matter how tough the warriors were, they freaked out and screamed like a group of schoolgirls. Xianghua giggled upon seeing their fears, "Just kidding!" she announced with a wink.  
  
Everyone stared at Xianghua with their eyes twitching out of pure agitation. No one acted on their fury... except for Astaroth who pulled out his giant ax and swung it at Xianghua, "DESTROY!!" he hollered.  
  
"Noooo!!" Kilik yelled, "Sic 'em, Maxi!!"  
  
A shimmer of joy glistened in Maxi's eyes as he laced his hands together and held them in front of him. He gazed at Kilik, starry-eyed, "Really? I can attack Astaroth without people getting pissed off at me??" Kilik closed his eyes and nodded calmly. "YAY!!" Maxi bounded forward, landing on the golem's back, "Yeehaw!!" Astaroth screamed and toppled over to the ground. Everyone else just shook their heads slowly to themselves, while Xianghua sniggered with glee.  
  
"Xianghua has the Justus Kiddinus disorder," said Kilik solemnly.  
  
"Ya, hya," Link murmured.  
  
Kilik nodded, "Tragic, I know."  
  
"It suuuure is..." Yoshimitsu said, but paused awkwardly, "...What is it?" Everyone sighed.  
  
"It causes her to say lie," Kilik explained, "And then after she lies, she always says 'just kidding'. She can't help it... just does it all of the time."  
  
"Sucks to be AROUND her..." Yunsung muttered to himself, which earned him a slap from Seung Mina. "Ow!! Sor-ry!" he said, catching the point that his comment was rather 'rude'... as if he could care less.  
  
All of a sudden, Namika appeared on the television, "Evenin'!!" she exclaimed cheerfully, which caught many of the warriors off-guard as they fell backwards.  
  
Talim shook off the sudden shock, "But... it's the afternoon..."  
  
Namika rolled her eyes, "Whatever..."  
  
Assassin fell to his knees and groveled at the... uhm... not-so-feet of the television, "Namika, can you PLEASE just give them the stunt?! They're all becoming more and more insane! I can't take watching over them much longer... give them the stunt! Give them the stunt! Please, please pl-"  
  
"That's quite enough, Assasin," Namika announced, holding up a hand to confirm that she wanted Assassin to cease speaking. "Now... back on topic of your trial thing-a-ma-crap... I'm sure that you've all noticed that we're at the beach..."  
  
"Wow..." Taki mumbled monotonously, "I don't believe you."  
  
"Well, you should! Anyway... how many of you peoples have gone surfing??"  
  
.......cricket, cricket.... SPLAT!! Insert Necrid's evil laughter here to indicate his guilt of killing the crickets.  
  
"Okay..." Namika put a finger on her chin as she pondered, "Well... have any of you seen other people surf?" she asked.  
  
.......tweet....twe- CAW!! Insert Necrid holding a slingshot triumphantly to indicate, once again, his guilt of killing – this time – the bird.  
  
Namika let out a small, anguished groan, "Do any of you even have a clue what surfing is?" she enquired with a raised eyebrow.  
  
......pin drop......  
  
Necrid clenched his teeth in aggravation, "That's it!!" he bellowed as he lifted his hand to strike the pin that randomly dropped out of nowhere... but as his hand came in contact with the pin, pain followed. "OW!! Son of a....." Beeeeeeeep!!  
  
"Necrid!!" Namika shrieked, becoming extremely impatient with his constant interruptions... whether anyone actually noticed them or not. Necrid hung his head in shame and rubbed his sore hand. "Anyway..." Namika continued, "You're going to learn to surf. Okay? Okay."  
  
"Actually..." Sophitia began to object, though Namika quickly cut in...  
  
"I said 'okay'!!"  
  
Sophitia – the powerful Greek warrior – cowered in fear, "...okay..."  
  
"Okay!" Namika beamed, "Assassin, bring out the surfboard!" she clapped her hands twice to indicate the order. Assassin grumbled to himself as he went behind the trees ((A/N: Yes. On the beach.)) and pulled out a bunch of surfboards.  
  
The group of fighters 'ooh'ed and 'ahh'ed in unison from pure astonishment from the rainbow of boards... and for good measure, let's add in an 'ohh'. "These, my not-so-friends, are surfboards!"  
  
Raphael stared at Assassin in bewilderment, "They are boards of surf?"  
  
Assassin merely shrugged, "Sure, why not?"  
  
"Because it's not true," Yunsung answered with a smirk.  
  
Taki whacked Yunsung with... not all of her strength, but she's tough so it didn't take all of her strength to teach that little delinquent a lesson, "What did we tell you about answering rhetorical questions?!" she yelled.  
  
Yunsung massaged his aching head, "Ow... uh... is that a rhetorical question?"  
  
"Depends..." Taki replied, "Was THAT a rhetorical question?"  
  
Yunsung thought for a moment, "Maybe... but was yours?"  
  
"What about yours?"  
  
"And yours?"  
  
"Yours?"  
  
"Yours?"  
  
"Yours?"  
  
The heads of the other warriors turned on their cervical vertebrae ((A/N: Necks!)) to keep the person saying 'yours' in view. Namika tapped her foot edgily until she simply blew up, "THEY WEREN'T, NOW BE QUIET!!"  
  
Yunsung and Taki both went silent... until Yunsung asked, "What question did we wonder was rhetorical again?" Taki shrugged. "Eh... doesn't matter."  
  
"So, now that that's over with..." said Mitsurugi, "...how do we surf? And... why?"  
  
"How: by going into the water and standing on the board," Namika replied, "Why: because I enjoy watching people falling off of things, of course!" she held up her hand so it was in view on the television and gave a peace sign. The warriors shook their heads in a type of pity.  
  
"Is it possible for you to explain how to surf a little better, or in depth?" Maxi questioned.  
  
"Nah," Namika said casually, "But what I CAN explain is that if you hurry up and choose your surfboard... you'll get you favourite colour!!" The fighters dashed towards the surfboards like a stampede of bulls, leaving a trail of sand clouding the air... As the dust cleared, it became clear that good ol' Maxi was still standing in the same place, blinking in confusion.  
  
"Wait!!" Maxi shouted, "I wasn't expecting that... no fair..."  
  
Astaroth walked over to Maxi with two boards in hand, "There's on left, worms," he handed it to Maxi.  
  
Cassandra wrinkled her nose, "Worm board!? That's, like, totally narst!"  
  
"Aha!" Namika said happily, "You're using surfer lingo!"  
  
"COOL!"  
  
Namika frowned, "Aw... you lost it. You should've said 'awesome'." Cassandra looked sad.  
  
Meanwhile, Maxi was taking a long, hard look at this surfboard that Astaroth was offering him. "And this is the only one left?" he asked. Astaroth nodded. "You're sure?" Astaroth nodded. "Positive?" Astaroth nodded. "But... but... but it's PINK!!" Astaroth nodded again... with a devilish grin on his face as he handed Maxi the hot pink surfboard. "I can't use this!!"  
  
"Oh DEAL!" Namika waved her hand casually, "Now, everyone... into the water!!"  
  
Nightmare raised Soul Edge into the air in victory, "Yay! Bathing suits! Stripping down!!"  
  
Sophitia sighed, "Remember when Nightmare DIDN'T want to strip?"  
  
"You mean yesterday?" questioned Yoshimitsu.  
  
"Yeah..."  
  
Namika growled under her breath, "All of you... GO!!" The warriors dashed for the water, with Link leading the way. "Oh, crap! WAIT!!" Link abruptly slammed on the breaks, causing the rest of the fighters to run into him in a domino effect. "Yay! You all fell down!" Namika smiled, "I mean... I forgot to tell you guys that after this, Voldo will be going back to his dungeon... which I'm still not certain how he escaped..."  
  
"Gloosh woooooo!!" Voldo hissed.  
  
Yoshimitsu looked at him oddly, "Now why the hell would you WANT to go back?"  
  
"Shooo kloooof!!"  
  
Yoshimitsu stroked his chin in thought, "Stockholm Syndrome, you say?"  
  
"And that is...?" everyone else chorused.  
  
"When the victim identifies with his captors, of course."  
  
Namika rolled her eyes again, "All right, all right... that our vocabulary lesson of the day... not let's go! Into the water! Go, go, GO!!" All complied, and went into the water with their surfboards. "Now... everyone, get on your boards, stand up, and the last one standing WINS!!" And they got onto their surfboards...  
  
Astaroth glanced down at the water covering his surfboard, and encircling his legs, "My wormy surfboard is sinki-" ...glub...glub...  
  
Namika sighed, "Next person who falls off has to save him."  
  
Maxi looked down at his own surfboard... pink... "You know what? I'll just fall off now. It'll be less humiliating than staying on this thing." He jumped off of his surfboard and dragged the heinous creature that is Astaroth onto short.  
  
"Thank you, arch-nemesis," said Astaroth after catching his breath.  
  
"You're welcome, arch-nemesis," Maxi said kindly.  
  
Of course, on the water things weren't quite as friendly... "Hey, Mitsurugi..." Raphael cooed.  
  
"What do you want?" the samurai retorted.  
  
"I can see your epidermis!!" teased our favourite Frenchman. Mitsurugi uttered a high-pitched screamed as he attempted cover up his... skin!? Not too bright, is he? He fell off of the surfboard, leaving Raphael on his own board, laughing at his rival's stupidity.  
  
Raphael's achievement was cut short by the seductive voice of Ivy, "Oh, Raphaeeel..." Raphael turned around to face Ivy, only to fall face-first into the water. Ivy cackled at Raphael's own display of idiocy.  
  
Cervantes was trying desperately to keep his balance, but found himself failing miserably, "I am SO around to fall down... my hat is making it hard to- AH!" Guess what! He fell.  
  
Namika spoke into a megaphone... on the TV... "Mitsurugi, Raphael and Cervantes – you're out! Return to shore!!"  
  
Kilik was faring well in the competition as he held Kali-Yuga in front of himself as an aid to balance. He also sang as he surfed, "Wipe out! Na na na na, na na na na na na, na na na na na... na na na na, na na na na na na, na na na na na... na na NA, na na na na na... na na na na na... na na na na, na na na na na, na, na na na na na..."  
  
Out of nowhere, Xianghua shrieked, "GIANT SQUID ARMY!!"  
  
"Eek! Squids!!" Cassandra stumbled uneasily, and collided with the water's surface, only to hear Xianghua...  
  
"Just kidding!"  
  
Cassandra's eye twitched violently, "Why I ought to..."  
  
"Return to shore, Cassandra!" Namika ordered.  
  
"Ha! Wait to go, Sis! WHOA!!" Sophitia joined the ranks of her sister: out of the competition.  
  
Cassandra stared at her older sister, "At least I went down with dignity, Sophitia!"  
  
"Sophitia, you're out, too!!" The two sisters swam to shore, bickering about whose fall was more pathetic.  
  
Yunsung flexed his biceps proudly, "I am young, and in shape... so everyone, just give up now!"  
  
Mina glanced over to her father's student, "Don't make me tell everyone the story, Yunsung," she said calmly.  
  
"What story?"  
  
"THE story," she answered, keeping an expressionless tone in her voice.  
  
Yunsung blinked a few times, "...what the hell are you talking about, Mina?"  
  
Mina struggled to suppress the smirk tugging at her lips, "You know..."  
  
"NO, I don't!!" SPLASH!! Being young and in shape failed to help Yunsung in the battle of wits that Mina had challenged him to...  
  
"Makes sense since there is no story, sucker!!" Mina stuck her tongue out tauntingly. Yunsung raised his arm out of the water and shook an intimidating fist at Mina, who merely laughed demonically.  
  
"To shore with you!" Namika stated, pointing to Yunsung.  
  
Voldo randomly hissed, "Voooooo dooooo!!"  
  
Talim gasped in horror, "No! Voodoo is unholy!"  
  
Voldo tiled his head, "...sklaa?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"VOOOO DOOOOOO!!  
  
"I said it's BAD!!"  
  
"Sklaa??"  
  
"I don't get it!!" Talim shouted in frustration... "Eek!" ...before falling off of the surfboard... And Voldo fell off of his, as well.  
  
Namika called, "Talim, Voldo and Necrid are all out!"  
  
"What!?" Necrid snapped, "Why am I out!?"  
  
"Because you've been surfing on sand for about five minutes," Namika replied with a yawn.  
  
"And why did no one tell me this?"  
  
A smirk found its way to Namika's face, "Because it was pretty damn funny."  
  
Once again, back on the water... Ivy stretched nonchalantly, "This is pathetically easy..."  
  
"And you're pathetically ugly!" Xianghua mocked.  
  
"Yes, yes... Don't tell me, 'just kidding'?"  
  
Xianghua shook her head, "Nope. I'm serious."  
  
"BITCH!!" Ivy shrieked and jumped off of her surfboard to attack Xianghua, resulting in both of them falling into the icy water.  
  
"You're both out! Get onto shore!!"  
  
Everyone on shore shiver like mad with their teeth clattering, trying desperately to keep warm. "Water cold?" asked a very dry Assassin. The others nodded as much as their frozen bodies allowed them to. "Yeah, I figured... want some tea?" The warriors nodded again. "We only have cheap, imported green tea, though... you for it?" After a moment of pondering, the fighters shook their heads. "I knew you'd say that."  
  
[End of Chapter 8]

* * *

WHEE!! Who's going to win? And WHAT will they win?? Oh! Oh!! I dunno... let's recap – Those remaining are: Kilik – Link – Yoshimitsu – Taki – Nightmare – Mina – Charade All right... now please review and let me know what you thought of that lovely chapter! I'll work my darndest to update some point before my birthday! (Le cinq juillet. Er... The fifth of July.)  
  
In reply to reviews...  
  
To Sea Wolf – He shall have more mangoes in due time, my friend! Due time...  
  
To Xenomina – Saiki was the random ghost dude who helped Kilik during his 'trials' in Chapter X. Female Assassin, eh? Hmm... ideas are forming...  
  
To Xingy – Sorry it took me so long to update! [innocent sweatdrop] Hope that this chapter was worth the oh-so long wait!  
  
To Li Kenta – [stares at Li... that is all. Just stares at Li... then blares her radio]  
  
To SOMEBODY – (I had to put it in caps, man) Yes. Yes I can kick my brother's ass in SCII... sometimes. [shifty eyes]  
  
To Lady-Drakin – Rather than re-reading that age long review... I shall simply say... uhm... EVANESCENCE!! And my birthday! [points threatening finger at YOU] You'd better be able to come!  
  
To Mabas Nova – I'll put more Nightmare eventually, I swear! Erm... yeah... best time?? Good question. [goes to check] Extra Arcade: 1st, Yunsung, 3'10"13. (My record) 2nd, Mitsurugi, 3'19"58. (My bro's record) In regular Arcade, my best time is... 1st, Talim, 3'05"43. And this is with the automatic settings.  
  
To Sareph – Ah! Voldo's there, Voldo's there!  
  
To Wink 142 – I feel so bad for not e-mailing you... but my stupid computer doesn't let me actually send e-mails, only check it! I go to my e-mail, and in the little loading status thing it says "Done, but with Errors on Page"... the error is NOT BEING ABLE TO SEND!! --.-- Sorry...  
  
To JudgeMaster X – sha-na sey-ah TOULIAH!! I like it... XD  
  
To BillysLittleCowgirl – Glad that you enjoy my story... and appreciate Subaru's hallucinations! XD Nah, 'twas not Daisuke Saiki... 'twas just some random dead dude. And everyone in my school has preppy accents! Well... most people...  
  
To Keaton the Black Jackal – Do not pity the Frenchman... he is simply... fun to make fun of! [innocent smile]  
  
To Couy-Chan – I'm mean to ALL of the characters! [smirks] Mwahahahaha...  
  
To Draco666 – I'm pleased that you enjoy my randomness.  
  
To Shawazu – Squee! I'm so happy you like the fic so much! Heh... I make my friends read it, too... XD ...CHICKEN!! 


	10. Wipe Out

Everyone, I am so so SO sorry that it took me so long to update! I know that I promised I'd update fast, but I couldn't find my goddamn disk!! And now... I am in a bad mood 'cause I just beat a hard friggin' boss in Tales of Symphonia, and then I died before I got a chance to save! Grr... Curse my mother and her mo-fo vacuuming in front of the damn TV. Anyway... enough of my being pissed off, this is a FUN story! Let's move on...  
  
[in the background, Lady-Drakin is shouting about how sh– Draka... returns to the story soon]  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own the Soul Calibur characters... nor Tsukasa from .hackSIGN... nor the Teletubbies... but do you know who I DO own? Namika!

* * *

Warrior Island  
  
Chapter 9 – Wipe Out  
  
Yeah... you know where we left off. Surfing... enough said. And, oh, hey! Look at that... Nightmare fell off of his surfboard. "AAH!!" he screamed, as there was a loud 'SPLASH!'.  
  
Namika sighed as she held her hand to her forehead, "It was only matter of time..." she murmured. "Nightmare! To shore with ye! I mean... ya... I mean... Get your ass over here!" Nightmare grumbled German profanities as he dragged himself to the shore.  
  
Link spontaneously raised his sword towards the sky in a triumphant pose; the rays of sun reflected from the lustrous surface of his- Ow! Oh... was that too much? Okay, so he just screams, "Tsuyaaa!!"  
  
Kilik gasped in astonishment, "Did you hear that? He said Tsukasa!" he exclaimed proudly.  
  
"WHAT?!" shouted everyone else, as they stared in confusion.  
  
"Wait..." Kilik paused, tilting his head, "Maybe it was... 'I want pasta'..." The warriors all sighed upon the realization that Kilik was having issues with this particular translation. "Or maybe... 'You're a bastard'? I don't know." Our favourite fighters and fightresses shook their heads to themselves as the staff-wielding man continued to contemplate Link's word.  
  
Taki suddenly recalled something, "Ooh! Did you know that ((A/N: Warning! .hackSIGN spoiler!)) Tsukasa's a girl??"  
  
Mina's jaw dropped in horror as she gaped at Taki in disbelief, "What?! That's impossible... you're lying! Please tell me that you're lying!!"  
  
"Nope," Taki shook her head, "Her role-playing character's a guy, but in reality..."  
  
((A/N: End .hackSIGN spoiler.))  
  
"NOOOOO!!" Mina fell to her knees on the surfboard, "Say it ain't so! Not Tsukasa!!" Taki casually shrugged, holding one of her hands up in a 'hate to have been the one to tell you' manner. Mina sobbed uncontrollably until it happened... She fell into the water.  
  
Yunsung looked at Mina with an expression of pity, "I told her that her obsession with Tsukasa would bring out the worst case scenario one day..."  
  
"Mina, you're out!" Namika announced through the television.  
  
Charade was standing on his surfboard with an amazingly good sense of balance. Yoshimitsu pouted which observing the shape-shifting eye, "Unfair! Charade can turn into whomever he feels like! Even some surfer dude by the name of... uhm... Chad... Surfer... Dude..."  
  
Kilik glanced over to Yoshimitsu and nodded in approval, "Chad Surfer Dude... Nice name, man," he commented with a blunt hint of sarcasm. "Anyway... the only chance you have of getting Charade out is by you jumping off of your board, and knocking him off of his!"  
  
Heavenly music played in the background as Yoshimitsu's already-glowing eyes lit up, "That's TRUE!!" he gracefully leapt off of his board and tackled Charade into the water.  
  
Namika rolled her eyes, "Yo, genius! You're OUT!"  
  
"ME?!" Yoshimitsu yelled in disbelief.  
  
"Yes!"  
  
He retorted, "Why?!"  
  
Namika groaned, "Because you jumped OFF of your board!"  
  
"B-but Kilik said..." Yoshimitsu struggled to get out, but ended up sounding like a complete and utter babbling idiot.  
  
"Kilik said that if you jumped off of your surfboard and knocked Charade off of HIS board... Charade would be out. That is indeed the truth, but Kilik failed to mention that you would also be out," Namika explained, "End of clarification."  
  
"Are you saying that...?"  
  
"Yes. Kilik did indeed trick you," Namika muttered, "Too bad, so sad... Now get back to shore!"  
  
Yoshimitsu sniffled as he swam closer to shore, and lumbered his way onto the sand. Charade quickly used the technique of the backstroke to shore, and then shook like a dog. Nightmare pet Charade on the head, "Good Charade!" he praised.  
  
The living fragment of Soul Edge smiled as best he could, which caused all of the girls to swoon, "Aw! How cute!!" they exclaimed in unison.  
  
Maxi grouchily kicked some sand while looking downwards, and murmured, "Stupid Charade... little pet... thinks he's all that... Lousy bastard!!" He lifted his head to see the grotesque sight of Astaroth making a sad attempt to smile cutely as Charade had. "Ugh..." Maxi wrinkled his nose in distaste, "You're not cute... at all... no... Go away now."  
  
Tears welled up in Astaroth's eyes, "Mean, worms!!" he shouted and stormed off, facing in the opposite direction of everyone else.  
  
Sophitia heaved an agitated sigh, "Oh no... now he's cranky..."  
  
"I don't care," Maxi grumbled.  
  
"You're don't CARE?!" Sophitia shrieked, grabbing a hold of the collar of Maxi's shirt, "You do not know the hell of dealing with children his age when they're cranky! They scream, and scream and say 'Mommy, I want ice cream! Give me ice cream or I'll run away!' Then – as always – Rothion isn't available, so I'm stuck bringing the kids to go and get ice cream! And during the entire walk to the ice cream parlour, they just whine: 'Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Mommy, my feet hurt! Carry me! Oh, carry me, too! Mommy, walk faster! Mommy, mommy, MOMMY!!' I can't take it! AH!!" Sophitia released Maxi and sat down on the sand, hugging her feet to her chest and rocking back and forth.  
  
Everyone was left speechless from that display... But thankfully, the silence did not last long when a random hamster ran across the beach and squealed gleefully, "I'm drunk!"  
  
Link's eyes glistened in curiosity; his wonder was clearly apparent, "Ya!! Hya, shaaaa, yaa!!" he jumped off of his surfboard and swam to shore, and then proceeded to chase the hamster.  
  
"If anyone wanted to know... he said, 'Yay! Hamster!! A drunk one! They're as rare as a sober Goron!'," Kilik translated with extreme drama.  
  
Necrid blinked a few times, "Uhm... what's a Goron?" Everyone else shrugged.  
  
Cervantes looked over to the television, believing that Namika could possibly provide the response that they were searching for, but she was not there. "Why isn't the girl on the TV anymore?" Cervantes questioned, pointing to the television. Everyone else – once again – shrugged.  
  
Namika reappeared on the idiot box ((A/N: Heh...)) with a piece of pizza in her hand, "What'd I miss?" she asked upon noticing that all eyes were on her.  
  
"Vlaaash daaa!!"  
  
"He wants to know where you were," Yoshimitsu clarified.  
  
"Pft!" Namika scoffed, "I think it's quite obvious that I was bored and went to go and get a pizza! Because pizza is good... and has lots of cheese... especially when you purposely get extra cheese on an already- cheesy pizza!" The warriors all sweatdropped as the hyperactive teenager went on a rant about how great pizza and cheese were... Eventually, she stopped, "Oh! Hey, look! Only Kilik and Taki are left!"  
  
Yunsung sighed, "Well observed..."  
  
Namika beamed, "Now it's all a matter of who can ride that big-ass wave!"  
  
Kilik and Taki's eyes widened, "Big...ass... wave...?" they gulped and cautiously turned their heads to catch sight of a crazy-huge wave that could be described as a tsunami despite the fact that that would be incorrect because that would make all of the warriors dead... Anyway, it's a big wave. Very big. And now... time for the rather delayed reaction of... "AAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!"  
  
Sploosh... Crash! Whoosh! Sboosh! Fllssssh...  
  
"And the winner is..." Namika watched as Taki's still-breathing body washed up onto shore, as Kilik sat on top of his surfboard in the water with spiral eyes, "...Kilik!!"  
  
Kilik looked over in a complete daze as he also washed up onto shore, "Wha...?"  
  
Xianghua ran over to him and hugged him tightly, "Oh, Kilik! You won!!" she exclaimed. Kilik gave some incomprehensible response, which earned a few perplexed stares.  
  
"What's wrong with him?" asked Cassandra.  
  
Ivy assured, "He'll be fine."  
  
Cassandra picked up a random piece of driftwood from the sand and poked Kilik with it. He did not move. "Are you sure?" she insisted that something was wrong.  
  
"No."  
  
Link then ran by again, still chasing the drunken hamster. "HYAAAA!!"  
  
"He says... come back..." Kilik managed to translate before collapsing into a state of not... being... conscious.  
  
Necrid nodded slowly, "He suuure did."  
  
"I'm wet," the dignified Frenchman whined.  
  
"We're all wet," the opposite-of-dignified samurai stated plainly.  
  
Raphael held up his rapier in a challenging stance, "I'm wetter!"  
  
Mitsurugi raised an eyebrow and unsheathed his own weapon, "I'm the wettest!" he announced, confident that he had shown up his rival.  
  
"I'm the wettest time infinity!"  
  
"Damnit!" Mitsurugi returned his katana to its place in defeat.  
  
Raphael laughed in triumph, "HAHA!! I win!"  
  
Assassin sighed sadly and sank down to the ground, "I'm so alone... You're ignoring me AND I'm not wet at all!!"  
  
"Aw... poor Assassin!" Talim rushed over to the masked fighter's side and gave him a biiiig hug. As a reaction on the notion of a 'biiiig hug', the four colourful Teletubbies walked up and joined in, chorusing 'biiiig hug!'.  
  
Assassin flailed wildly, trying to be released from the pudgy creatures' and Talim's kung fu hug grip. "Ah... crushing... me..." The Teletubbies dispersed and hissed, revealing their demonic fangs, and then ran away while giggling. Talim and Assassin watched as they disappeared into the forest scenery. "If anyone asks... that never happened." The wind priestess nodded in agreement.  
  
"Now rest!" Namika's voice returned the atmosphere to normal... by this island's standards, "For tomorrow, you will be in for a BIG surprise!"  
  
"Glash vaaaa?" the heinous beast that we called Voldo questioned.  
  
Yoshimitsu translated, "Uh... is that a good thing?"  
  
Namika shrugged, "How the hell should I know? I haven't a clue what the surprise is going to be! Duh... that's why it's a called a 'surprise'! Well, anyway... good night!" A blanket of black covered the television screen, hiding Namika's image for the night.  
  
Assassin got up from his spot on the ground, "All right! You heard the girl! To bed with you all! Sleep where you stand!" he clapped his hands twice, and then returned to his spot from the ground once again. The other warriors lied down where they stood, as commanded by Assassin, and turned in for the night.  
  
_---As the warriors slept...---_  
  
Two glowing red eyes in the trees spied over the sleeping figures, "To bed... to bed... to bed... yes. She goes now to bed. Do I? No. I await the sunrise to frighten the warriors. My scenes, I memorize and quote. Strike fear... strike curses... yes... soon..."  
  
End of Chapter 9

* * *

Ooo... suspenseful... although it's pretty obvious who it is... I think... o.0 No, it's not Gollum.  
  
Random reader: Yes it is!!  
  
The Zelda Master: No!!  
  
Random reader: Yes!!  
  
The Zelda Master: Oh, screw it! You'll have to wait to find out! [taunting wink] Until then, I depart by saying: Please review and damn the complexity of Tales of Symphonia, and– Wow. Complexity is a word... Anyway, here a responses to a few reviews. (Man, there were so many for the last chapter...)

To Satanic Mechanic - Yes! The Family Guy humour! Ah, man. I'm glad that my story is somewhat like that... although I could never meet up to those standards. Anyhoo, glad you enjoy this. My randomness only gets better as we go on!

To Lady-Drakin - [points at you] **You're** a tomato!! [runs away]

To WolfPerson - At one point or another, every character will be picked on... just some more than others. [smirks]

To SpoiledPrincessBlue - Talim/Yunsung... Now, I _love_ that pairing, and I may fit some in if the chance comes up. And bless you for understanding that every word with 'ass' in it is funny!

To Sir Dik-Dik - Your review songs rock, dude. You're awesome! Rock on!! [makes 'rock on' sign with her hand]

To Xenomina - Yunsung shall be made fun of in a wide variety of ways...

To Sokol - Unfortunately, my YYH CYOA did indeed get the FanFic boot. But I am working on reposting all of the chapters on mediaminer under this penname!


End file.
